Sunday, December 27, 2009

December 31: Resolution #best09 Gwen Bell

Resolution you wish you'd stuck with. (You know, there's always next year...)

Would you believe I made NO New Year Resolutions for 2009? Truly, I didn't. Not only were we midst the Wise Woman 1 crisis, but I also managed to tear all the muscles between my shoulder blades on the 29th of December. In the shower. Washing my hair. You can stop laughing now. Really, you can. You did know I managed to concuss myself on the pantry door quite a few years back... didn't you? Oh, well maybe forget I mentioned that one.

So there I was pumped full of valium and panadeine forte to begin with when Big Boy, in his infinite wisdom, picked up this massive cockroach to chase the kids with. Monster flew straight at my head, I instinctively ducked forwards, did ten times more damage than the original injury.

And if I had been able to move without screaming in agony, I would have torn Big Boy's testicles off with my bare hands and put them in the blender. And fed them to the dogs. Then we both would have been seeing this in our heads:

Does that count as a resolution I didn't keep?

And you can stop laughing. I mean it. STOP LAUGHING! NOW PLEASE.


E. said...

Ouch. That sounds so painful. Of course maybe not as painful as having your testicles torn off, watching them go in an blender and then into a dog as food. But that would probably be more psychologically damaging than anything.

InfoMidwife said...

wow are you sure you weren't in labour....all the best for 2010