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The meaning of life. Right now I am pondering the meaning of life here at this blog. What do I want from here? What is this blog to me, or more importantly to others?

When I began this blog over two years ago the community was small, tight, supportive. Now so much of it is about earning potential, stats, hits, comments, followers.

I have never been one to run with the crowd and crowded the blogosphere has become.

Is this why I am not drawn here as I once was? Is it why I do not have the yearning to write like I once did?

Maybe it is because I am writing my tales of fantasy for my dear friend, sending them off with love. Maybe that is filling the hole once satisfied by blogging?

Maybe I am sick of commenting and supporting those who offer none back? Only some, not all, but their silence pisses me off to be perfectly honest.

Maybe I feel the blogosphere is not the place I need to look to for ideas, ideals, friendship?

Maybe it is time for change.

I just don't know anymore.

I Just had THE Best Morning!

Don't you love it when you meet someone for the first time in a crossover from blog world to real life and you just click?

I do, we did, and I had

THE BEST MORNING EVER!

*Sigh* - just so sorry the time flew by so very, very fast. And I know Leanne was very grateful not to be sold to the white slave traders. Thanks for a wonderful catch up my friend, so very glad to be able to call you such.

Photo stolen from DFF. 'Cause it's me and her so I can. And yes, this is our view from our house.

Pssst - And remember us plebs when you are a rich and famous author, m'kay?

Blog Friends

Just had to jump on and say:

I just had the best day!

Finally managed to meet the lovely Jen from Jemikaan (and her gorgeous tribe - man, those two have three beautiful children). Sorry, no photos - I was too busy chatting and catching up. Pretty sad seeing as I even remembered to grab my Picsio prize camera (well, it is shock and waterproof after all).

But we were too busy talking, supervising kids, playing with kids, leading kids astray with bad adult behaviour... Okay, so that was mainly me.

But it was so good to meet her, and I must admit I felt like we'd known each other in person for years. Goes to show you yet again how well you get to know someone over the mighty web. As Big Boy said on the way home:

I seem to know the nicest cyber people!

Sitting here now, looking like a drowned rat but can't stop smiling...

Well, This Certainly Was an Unusual One!

What a mixed weekend! Bit like the girl with the curl... You know the one:

There was a little girl,

Who had a little curl

Right in the middle of her forehead.

When she was good,

She was very, very good

But when she was bad,

She was HORRID!

The good bits were incredible:

Friday night birthday dinner for a lovely new friend (and with some old ones). Great food, great company, lots of laughter (and yes Rose, I was a wild one in my youth now I think about it). It was especially good because up until about 2 hours prior to the reservation I did not think I could swing it. But thanks to my wonderful Big Boy, and two very well behaved little-ish boys (+ their two really cool mates), make it I did! Excellent night!

Saturday Nuffnang Bloggers meet. Well, what can one say about perfection? Seriously wonderful day, company unsurpassed, fantastic to meet bloggers I have only gotten to know on the web, and great to make some new discoveries to follow. Must admit the highlight (besides meeting the glorious Melissa in all her flamboyant glory) was enjoying the company of a young man named Tornado. He won my heart with very little effort.

The pictures tell the story (none of my little friend - I'll leave that to his Mum), and I've not added all as many who attended will add their's...

Kookaburra Cafe, Paddington 12.3.2011

Me 'n Melissa (Suger Coat It)

No wine involved, but the vaseline on the lens helped!

Here's trouble! Tracy (Our Life in Blog Form), cjtato (Not Tonight Dear) and Madmother.

And on Sunday we again headed off to the big smoke for a visit to the Qld Museum at Southbank. It was a good day until one experience soured it a little, but more on that in the BAD. Which has a good side too.

Which I may as well jump into now...

Friday started the negative. Harsh written words finally drove me away from a parenting website I have been a member of for five years. It is a place that has saved my sanity more than once, and where I have made some wonderful cyber and irl friends. I won't rehash too much, see my previous posts and you'll get the jist.

Saturday was good, with a little residual regret about the loss, and some major LOUDNESS at the lunch (yes, by me - I am loud but do tend to get more so when nervous).

Sunday. Well Sunday was the day of holy crap! Before we left I had an incident with a stray kitten. The little thing was out in the rain in our rainforest, I managed to coax the timid scrap to me, Big Boy went back inside to get food and a cat cage. Cat saw either Big Boy or cage as extremely distressing and so renovated my hands and wrists with a fair amount of savagery. More upsetting was the fact this little thing took off like a rocket and is still out there alone in the rain.

So we are late heading off. Go to Museum. When boys and father wander downstairs to interactive science section (where we have been many times before) I decide to hit the markets and join up with them later.

Spend my time giggling away at a badges stall, bought many for my boys (and one for me: Don't drink Drive, it is a laundry detergent), headed back to meet my men.

Walk up, Boy 1 looking distressed. Quickly becomes clear why.

They were going to call and meet me after indulging their geek side. Phone rings, am 5 metres from them go to meet up.  This is what I was then told.

Coming down lift after going across overpass to bypass traffic, 2 young asian girls were in lift with them. Doors open, they all get out. Guy (and 2 others) in beaten up old flatback ute screeches over up kerb, driver jumps out stoned out of his gourd, grabs one of the girls starts screaming "What the fuck were you looking at" with lots of racist terms. Big Boy immediately yells "Let her go. Leave her alone." Guy lets go of girl, grabs Big Boy by the shirt starts screaming "I'm going to fucking bash your head, you are dead c*nt". By this time Boy 2 has run off to hide behind building, Boy 1 is telling the guy to let go of his father, Big Boy is telling the guy to let him go or else he won't be responsible for his actions, security guard comes around corner as guy runs off, thumps another car bashing it in as he passes, jumps back in driver side, screeches off. The girl had run off as soon as he let her go. Police were rung but security guard only saw guy run off, we decided not to go any further.
But my darling oldest boy kept his head and got the number plate and make of car! God I love that boy, told him (as he sobbed in my arms - he held it together until he saw Mum), he is just like his Mum, keeps it together when the crisis is happening, falls apart afterwards.
You can imagine how both my children feel, though I told them their Dad is a hero so they should be proud. Boy 1 is now asleep in my bed after a nightmare at 4am (which is why I am awake).

What a day.

But the good did outweigh the bad.

Can't say my life is boring!

It is Saturday.

"The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?"

~Holly Golightly~ Breakfast at Tiffany's (1961)

Today I am suffering from the mean reds. I do not want to be suffering from the mean reds for today is a special day, it is the Nuffnang Queensland Bloggers Meet. It is a joyous day, or supposed to be.

But today I am suffering the emotional hangover from yesterday's events. And probably having a few withdrawal symptoms kicking in as well. When you leave a site that has played a very strong role in your life, I guess it is to be expected and I must allow time to get rid of this feeling of failure. And loss. And disappointment. Bit like the breakup of a romance that wasn't really working anymore. You remember when times were good, in fact you tend to forget the bad and only mourn the good. It will be a while till I find my new normal I think.

I will get past this feeling of melancholy, I certainly intend to try and shed this cloud before I pick up the new friend on the way. I will laugh and chat, nod and listen. Just deep down will be a little niggle, a thought, a doubt... "What if I am not being clear, am I offending anyone, are my words being taken the wrong way?" But you won't see it because it will be hidden deep below the surface, covered by my smile.

Damn these mean reds...

Okay, So There's This Thing...

Called the Queensland Bloggers' Meet. The glorious Melissa over at Suger Coat It is head organiser and general rounder-uperer. We have a Facebook page 'n all! So if you live somewhere in Queensland and can make it to Brisvegas on March 12th, RSVP on the FB page (as it is pre-booked). I'm going, so it may be just the chance to come and tell me what you really think. Or any other Qld bloggers who may be there. List is on the page, though a lot of others may be joining in also.

Oh, and if you don't have FB, leave me a comment and I'll be in touch to see how I can help.

Or to say hello.

In the words of a certain tennis player:

COME ON!

Prayers needed...

For Lori and her husband Tony. A fellow bloggeress who does not ask for help unless things are dire.

You may know her as RRSAHM - Random Ramblings of a Stay at Home Mum. I do not know details but know every positive thought can only help. So help. Please.

The darkness of pacing hospital halls is all too fresh in my mind to ever ignore such fear and pain.

Swings and Roundabouts

I have recently added a couple of new finds to my blog roll. I seem to go in cycles: you know... Full tilt, riding that white pony up and down on the ASD roundabout, researching, reading, being proactive; to falling in a denial heap in the silver coach section, sitting on the bench unable to move, discuss or even mention *shudder* Asperger Syndrome. It is quickly approaching a decade of being on this ride, and even the strongest of us end up with motion sickness after this long. Round and round, up and down, faster, slower, spinning ground...

Ah, but back to my finds. I follow a wonderfully informative, helpful blog,

 The Thinking Person's Guide To Autism

and it is through this blog and its myriad of contributors that I find many of my new haunts. It is via a wonderful link to an open letter that I have stumbled onto Pia's blog:

the crack and the light . She writes so eloquantly of the emotions and battles we parents of the special ones face. I am reminded of how the fire can burn from a mother's love and quest for answers and help. Memories of the fight we have waged for ten long years are re-ignited. Don't get me wrong, I have not forgotten the campaign nor abandoned my role as his advocate. It is just sometimes the heat is not as intense, and other struggles take priority. Sometimes I cannot even read of another's ASD journey, sometimes I am tired.

Sometimes it is good to be reminded of how it was. Sometimes it is necessary for us to now see how it is today. Go, have a read, it is pretty powerful stuff.

The Competitive Nature of Blog Awards

I am laughing so hard at the moment and it bloody well hurts! Have just followed E.  @ whining at the world around the blogosphere handing out notifications about the last blog award post. Felt like the dag following the cool kid and copying her moves.

Just remember my friend - imitiation is the sincerest form of flattery!

Luckily, for me, it was not the same award...

And now, my turn to bestow the same one she was shopping around.

Once again, here are the rules:

1. Thank the person who gave you this award. Already done in last post, but will again. Thanks Jen!
 2. Share 7 things about yourself. See below.

3. Pass the award along to 7-9-15- however many  bloggers who you have recently discovered and who you think are fantastic! I had said only six on my last post but as I have to share seven things I'll make it seven.



4. Contact the bloggers you've picked and let them know about the award. Give me a chance to list 'em would ya!

Seven things from my deep dark history. Oh crap, how do I find seven things I haven't already shared?

• I wanted to be a singer. Desperately wanted to be out the front of a band rocking my arse off. Had all the moves, just missing one thing. A voice. My singing sucks.
• I was bullied at school. Probably why I am so protective of my two boys and any hint of this recurring.
• I crank the music up when alone and dance, dance, dance. God was being very nasty when he gave me a child who cannot stand any loud noise.
• From sixteen to around twenty-nine I took an hour and a half to do my makeup and hair. Every day. Sometimes twice. Even to do the grocery shopping, did not set foot outside door without full face on.
• I have an incredible memory. If I read something once I can nearly recite it word for word.
• Up until my early thirties I could out drink ANYONE. Nowadays I am a cheap drunk.
• I love browsing through antique shops, second-hand bookstores, and op-shops.

My list of seven new discoveries from blog heaven:

1. Thea @ Do I really Wanna Blog? Really enjoy reading Thea's take on her life. Find myself sitting nodding in agreement. Shame no-one can see.
2. Leanne @ Deep Fried Fruit. Outspoken, honest, says what we all are thinking a lot of the time.
3. Lulu @ Unperfect Life. How can you not like someone who has "When life gives you lemons, reach for the Tequila" written in the title of their blog?
4. Lori @ Random Ramblings of a SAHM. She is really funny. And creative and makes new words up like I do. 
5. Kitty Moore @ Kitty Tells It As It Is.  A truly gifted writer. Her story in a captivating series of blog posts (start at the oldest and work your way through). Oi Kitty - write faster, I'm waiting...
6. Fiona @ Fe... a life. Because she is raw, truthful and blunt. Just the way I like it.
7. Tara @ Waffling Along. For lots of reasons. Firstly because she is one hell of a tlented lady, secondly, even though she is busy she needs to bloody well start blogging again. Screw Twitter - we need you more! Thirdly, because I know her. Yep, really face to face. She is THAT one.

And that bloggers is it. Off to inform the lucky recipients. Then to pop more painkillers.

A Happy Dance.

Lurgy on the way out (okay, it was obviously just a head cold but it felt yuck), girls all ready, restaurant being organised... I AM MEETING SOME ONLINE BUDDIES, MOST FOR THE FIRST TIME! I cannot wait.

Doing happy dance now.

For The Writer in You

I have recently joined a writing site. Something to try and get the creative juices flowing freely once more. It is a wonderful place, full of information, support and some fun challenges. Come on over and take a look if you haven't already:

Judith's Room

Completed my first challenge whilst cooking dinner last night: Envy. Go, take a look, read all the contributions. And if the writer in you needs somewhere to come out and play... JOIN!

Tell It Like It Is Award. WARNING - NOT FOR THE FAINT-HEARTED!

I have taken a leaf out of Mel over at Sugar Coat It's blog (yeah, I know it should be book, but if I wrote book I'd have to admit to plagiarising...) and created my own award. So now all I have to do is set the rules!

1. This award is for the straight-shooters. The "tell it to someone who gives a fuck" bloggers who don't let the ignorant minority dictate to them. As a certain commenter from my last post put it (and something a dear friend called me a few years back) the ones who call a spade a fucking shovel!
2. The receivers of the award (and I hesitiate to use the word winners as it is not some type of lame-arsed competition, it is merely a show of appreciation for the blogger who doesn't pretty up the harsh realities) do NOT have to pass it on! If you wish to, great! Means I get to find some new no-bullshit blogs. If not, meh, not my problem.
3. This is not to be passed on to anyone who cannot handle the heat. You know, the bloggers who post one controversial topic, get blasted, and so delete it whilst whining "youse are all bitches" under their breath. If you write it, own it! Note: exception to this rule is if you post something in anger which hurts those you love. Not anonymous, faceless bloggers or followers, but someone you genuinely care for, and realise later when you have calmed that it was not acceptable to blog about. We have all done this at one time or another.
4. This award is not to be awarded for just being nasty! It is for those blunt, honest, sometimes brutal bloggers who post from passion, not spite.
5. Link me! After all I am an attention seeking bitch according to some...

Boring shit over, now on to the inaugural proceedings!

Firstly, we need a presenter, and who better than the original boss of the brutal, blunt brigade:

We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline...

You can't handle the truth!

~ Col. Jessop A Few Good Men (1992) ~

Now for the award:

 I am not including pithy little remarks or cutesy summations of these sites, if you are curious go read for yourself. 

• Chrissy @ I Shoulda Been a Stripper
• Kitty @ Shrinking Kitty
• Maggie @ Mind of A Mad Woman
• Epskee @ Barrel of Monkeez

Now Epskee, I know you have objections to blog awards, but let's face it, this one is unique. You don't have to do anything, it is not a popularity thing (mind you, it could be put into the piss people off or unpopular award category, lol), and hey, I know these get under your craw... Cheeky, ain't I?

That is it people - now go forth and blog.

Honest Scrap Award and the Ten Things You Never Knew!

Again, my thanks to Mrs E. at Whining at the world. Very unexpected, but much appreciated.

Okay, here we go. Ten little known facts from the one they know as Madmother:

1. 
   
   I am adopted. I was blessed enough to be adopted at 3 months of age by Wise Woman 1 and dearly departed Grumblebum. Sister to the flame-haired hellraiser (also gone but much missed). I could not have had a more wonderful family, and you already know how much I treasure the last surviving member, WW1.
   
   
   

2. 
   
   I lived in inner Sydney for eighteen years, in a terrace house next door to another terrace in which lived five gay boys. Used to go the clothes line in my knickers, or even sometimes naked (figured they wouldn't care). One was moving out after five years, at the farewell party he leaned over, a wicked glint in his spectacular blue eyes, buff muscles rippling as he whispered in my ear: "Thought you should know, I'm not gay..."  Holy crap! He moved back to NZ the next morning. *Sigh*, shame about that.
   
   
   

3. 
   
   I have a Bachelor of Economics. Worked in finance for fifteen years. Am not sorry to be out of the industry, not one little bit.
   
   
   

4. 
   
   I have travelled the world for a year backpacking all by myself. Embraced the freedom and versatilit, enjoyed the friends I made, thrived on the challenge. Fell in love with France, Ireland and Mexico. Absolute, unconditional mutual admiration of all things these countries unveiled.
   
   
   
5. 
   
   Whilst on the subject of Mexico, I have to confess a little stuff up which greatly amused Boy 1, Boy 2, Big Boy and Wise Woman 1. I have a quite limited comprehension of a little spanish. In other words, nada, zilch, none bar the very bare necessities. I flew on some very small airlines, and on one flight from Mexico City to Merida I *ahem* misunderstood one announcement. Ended up getting off at the wrong stop (I told you it was a small airline - we town hopped). Villa Hermosa. Middle of nowhere. Luggage including passport flying off into the great beyond. And me running down the tarmac after the plane arms flapping, screaming, top of my lungs:  "Stop, stop, ablo inglesse? Merida, Merida!" Don't worry, obviously it all ended okay as here I am, in one piece telling my tale...
   
   
   
6. 
   
   I live in a big house. Have decided to share this after nearly causing the sudden demise of a dear friend the first time she saw it. Sorry Sharalyn, should have warned you. And as I think I will be meeting many more of you over the years I figured I best prepare you. We designed so that if either Wise Woman 1 needs to move in, or if Boy 1 stays well into adulthood, we are ready.
   
   
   

7. 
   
   I lost my sister, the flame-haired hellraiser, when she was only nineteen years of age. I was one week off fifteen. Asthma induced heart attack. Which is why I am terrified when any of my family suffer upper respiratory infections causing shortness of breath. I do not sleep when anyone is ill with this.
   
   
   
8. 
   
   I have finally learned to laugh at liars. Walk away, let them live in their nasty little worlds, justifying themselves at every turn. Use it for the amusement it provides, and concentrate on the wonderful, genuine people in the world. And there are plenty. Took a while for me to learn this one.
   
   
   
9. 
   
   I snore. I snore like the BFG. I can shake the house on a bad night.
   
                                    
   
   
   
10. 
    
    I yearn to write. It is like an addiction I cannot break. I write in my head in the shower, on the toilet, in bed, driving... One day I will write the novel I have planned in my head. You might have already known that.
    
    
    

Okay, now you know some of my deep, dark secrets. On to the fun bit.

I am bestowing the Honest Scrap Blog Award to the following people:

No. 1 on my list has to be my dear friend, Sharalyn at Daily Musing of a Rainbow Life. You will often find us posting very simlar thoughts and ideas, and it is not because one is following the other. We are on the same wavelength, especially on the subject of our special boys. Our web relationship has now flowed into reality and I have to say she is one of my most trusted, closest friends. Even if she does give me heaps. She makes me smile.
Next is Sally over at a blog by any other name. She inspires me. Always. What a woman!
Third is Jen at jemikaan another Mum on the Aspie Rollercoaster, I find her views refreshing, and a reminder of our days past.

Oooh - four to go! And it has to be people not already awarded this...

Number four (sounds a little rude, doesn't it?) is Alex who is definitely a Whoa-Mumma! I tend to giggle a lot when reading her blog.

High Five is another Jenifer, this time at Odyssey. Another Essential Baby blogger.

Sixth is jlydia, at Resilience. She makes me look at things from another perspective.

And last, but certainly NEVER least, the culprit who inspired me to leap into the world of blogging, the beauteous Melissa, The Things I'd Tell You.... I looked for this award on her blog as I had thought someone would have already posted it (and I've probably missed it). But even if it is a double up, it is crucial for me to do it again.