I am Different, We are Different. The ASD Journey.

We have always swum against the flow, run against the crowd. In my heart, and that of my husband, we have never felt the standard or popular approach is what would help our son. OUR SON. Not the teachers' nor the specialists', nor other parents'... OURS. And for that many have belittled, derided and questioned our approach. Our outside the square ideas and ideals, our belief in our child.

I must admit it grates when someone can't see the trees for the forest, when others still don't get it... because in all honesty when I look at how Boy 1 was in the early days, and how he is today I know what we did was right, I know he is far beyond what any of those outsiders thought he could ever be, I know he is growing into an incredible young man, one his parents always knew he would be.

So, question our approach all you like, mock, deride, or just keep that mind closed. For we have our justification, we have our confirmation... we have a wonderful, confident, happy son who has Asperger Syndrome. Just look at the smiling kid from the photos in the last post.

That is all.

Snowtime in Queensland... Sorta.

We've just had a hailstorm up here. Twenty minutes of hail thrashing down, surrounding our house, bombarding our yard.

The end result? Snow emulation!

See for yourself:

Well? Close enough, eh?

Parenthood - The Day After.

If you live here in Oz you may have watched last night's episode of the Ron Howard hit show "Parenthood". If you have a child on the spectrum, especially one with Asperger Syndrome, you may have wanted to jump through the television screen and repeatedly thump the father of Max, the young boy portrayed on the show. The character is a child diagnosed with ASD - specifically, AS.

Max Burkholder as Max Braverman in Parenthood

"Some people have disabilities Max..."

"For you Asperger's is one of those tough things..."

By this point I was yelling at the television, believe me it wasn't pretty.

Then I stopped. For this WAS the reality so many live on this rollercoaster of emotion. This WAS an accurrate portrayal of a father in pain trying to connect and understand this new world early post diagnosis. This WAS truth in television.

Would I ever use those words to my child? Hell no, but we have been on this path from a younger age than this character. We have seen the gifts as well as the hardship, we have lived through the dark days and are now basking in the light.

It is painful and hard for a parent to let go of THEIR aspirations and dreams for their child, not realising that even without Asperger Syndrome those aspirations and dreams may never have been those of the child. And sometimes what we end up with far surpasses anything we could have ever aspired to.

I referred in a past post to a poem Boy 1 wrote when he was seven. We (he and I) have decided to share it again (just remember it is copyrightfully HIS people - if you wish to use it ASK)...

Rainbow Life

You may think I’m different

The way I think and play

But wouldn’t life be boring

If all was the same way

 

See I will change this world

A little bit by bit

And when my life is over

This will be my gift

 

I’ll leave the world a thinking

A mix of logic and my dreams

And there will be no limits

Nothing will seem extreme

 

Think of it like ice cream

Some are just vanilla

I’m a rainbow swirl

All colours a shimmer!

Copyright Boy 1 2006

 

 

Look beyond the diagnosis, look beyond the intervention, the therapies, the anxiety and obsession. Look at what you have, or we have, or your neighbour/cousin/schoolchild or joe blow in the street.

 

Rainbow swirl. Pretty damn special. By the end of the episode the father is slowly realising he is wrong in his approach, that his vanilla viewpoint may not be the only one. I hope the storyline continues down this path, even if it meanders a little off track.

 

Maybe I should drop Ronnie a line, just to make sure. I'm sure he'd appreciate a little insider knowledge from a 

Loved it!

Need I say more?

See You On The Other Side!

I am running away. Not for ever, but for 3 nights. I have never, ever had 3 nights away from my two boys... well, not for pleasure. Even on business I think the most has been 2 nights.

But today I am running away. Myself and some of my lovely old friends from my former life in the city of Sydney are meeting up in Melbourne. I am being utterly selfish and had not told anyone including some of my dear new friends who reside down there. Several reasons for this.

Firstly, I honestly was not sure this trip would actually eventuate. Between sick kids, sick adults, and other committments, I had doubts. But it has.

Secondly, I, for once, am not the organisor. One of my very best friends is and she has co-ordinated all of us, accommodation and activities. I am sitting back and being told: this is what we are doing today. Hell, I have no idea of the itinerary even now. Bliss!

Thirdly, I don't want to make promises I can't keep.

This is my first girl's weeked away in over 13 years! So I am being selfish... utterly, totally, blissfully selfish.

Toodles!

xx

Me & Nie...

Remember how the kids when younger would get over-tired and then you had to battle them down into dreamland? Yeah, that was me last night. Well and truly past the point of exhaustion after a multiple of sleep interrupted nights. Broken - a perfect term in relation to sleep-deprivation - no wonder it was a form of torture years ago. Finally, around 11pm after laying in bed for 2 hours, I began to doze.

Only to be brutally snapped back into wakefulness by a series of loud thumps and bangs from the room of Boy 1. Right above my room. At that point I would have happily thumped and banged him around the room, but being the Mum, instead settled for stomping up the stairs (by this point he had awoken Boy 2 in his room also) to yell at him.

Return back to bed to begin the process again, by this time totally wired. Turn on the television. Search for something to lull me into slumber.

11.30pm, I stumble upon the American show: 20/20. And there she is, NieNie. Now I have read NieNie on and off for a couple of years. See the blue typewriter button over there ->
yeah, that links to her blog. It's been on my sidebar since just after the first post. This is another:

I also e-mailed her many moons back, she probably thought I was a crazed stalker, but her story had inspired me so, and we also share something personal.  No, I'm not telling.

NieNie is Stephanie who was in an horrific plane crash in August 2008 with her husband. They were both severely injured and the prognosis was critical with little chance of survival. NieNie was severely burnt, in her words she still is: Returning from a near-fatal airplane crash, burned 80% of my body, and will have surgeries for the rest of my life. Probably. But I am alive. A brave, brave inspirational woman

So, there I am last night, near mad with lack of sleep, frantically looking for something to numb my brain and instead I find the story of my cyber-friend. Of course I sat up and watched it all. Of course I cried. Of course she inspired me once more with her wonderful spirit.

Sleep deprivation, bah, no biggie. Truly think it was divine providence, and I was meant to watch it.

Do you read Nie Nie?

Dear Disqus

You are dumped. That is all.

P.S. If you use a Disqus commenting system and suddenly have dropped some followers, I think you may want to think about why. Oh, and yes, I am one of the lost ones.

Muse Wars 2011 - Challenge 2

Originally started by Melissa @ The Things I'd Tell You, the Muse Wars continued through eight challenges and then faded into oblivion. I did attempt to kick start it again last year, but and again this year. The Challenge #1 is here. Now closed.

Rules:
Open to all and sundry, you need to link below in comments.
First to list sets next challenge and chooses new picture..
Anyone can join in, you just need to write a story as your interpretation of the photo in 500 - 1000 words.
Can be of any genre - let your mind fly free.
You can pass listing on to next on list but MUST be passed within 24 hours of previous challenge closing.
Next challenge must be set within seven days of completion of previous challenge.

You have 14 days to complete.

Oh, and I have not worked out a new linky tool. Post your entry in my comments and I'll edit this post to show each link. If there are any. Okay?

Muse Wars 2011

Challenge 2

Write your hearts out! Ready, set, GO!

Mean Girl Monday

"Why would she do this to me?" asked in bewilderment by a lovely lady through her tears. Betrayal, the hardest of all pills to swallow, the actions of a so-called friend throwing trust into disarray. Making you question your judgement of others.

I had no answer. I do not know why this person hurts with intent, I do not know if it is her insecurity or a purile power play. I do know she is not someone anyone needs in their lives. She is toxic. A mean girl. The mean girl who turned on me almost two years ago, the toxic former friend who made my life hell, and still tries to even now.

But for this other friend the betrayal was fresh and raw and bleeding. Even though the actions of this person were a long time ago she had only just found out about it. And she came to me because she now understood words I had spoken to her months before. "Be cautious, this is a small town, watch your back." That was all, no accusations, no ranting, no names, no pack drill. With her newfound knowledge these words resonated and the reason became clear.

"Was it her? Is that what you were talking about?" Yes. I knew of her disgusting claims and behaviour, there are so many she has maligned, lied and bitched about. So many power plays hidden below a smile as she plunged the knife deeply again and again. I could not tell people, I would not stoop to a he said/she said battle. To be honest I think back then when the campaign of shadows and whispers began, most would have believed her. She plays the sad, little victim so well - it is an art she perfected. Maybe my reasons were not quite so noble, maybe I was afraid to ask people to choose. Hell, I believed her for years and it is only with the clarity of hindsight I see how truly absurd some of her accusations were.

Whatever, it was all over now as she seriously underestimated her power and control over others, alienating more and more people. It was another of her disgusted former friends who outed her. One who grew sick of the nastiness and vile attacks, one who had the courage to call enough and walk away. One who knows all I know and more. One who will not stand by and tolerate any more bullshit.

And as each person finds out the truth, the word spreads. Last Friday as I talked with this woman, her pain turned to anger. And revenge. My advice was to walk away, cut the festering wound out, let her cut her own throat. For she will, and has already begun to. I do not know if my words reached past the need to hurt back, an emotion I understood all too well. I hope, for this lovely woman's sake, they did. If not, then others will be hurt as they are told of her lies and deception. But maybe they need to know. It will not be me unmasking her, but I am no longer keeping silent. If asked I am open and honest... or as others accuse me of, blunt and brutal. Sometimes if the scab has been pulled a little it is just better to rip it off fast.

"Why would she do this to me?"  Because she does it to everybody. She is a mean girl. Soon she will be a mean, lonely girl who nobody wants to play with.

Sunday Sessions No More

Dear Sunday Sessions, or should that be Dear Thea? I am leaving you, not through choice, but because of a little thing called Mixpod. Yep -> that thing on the right side of my blog that plays the tracks I choose, chop and change continually, depending on my mood. The one that makes people jump out of their skins at 1am if they do not expect it (sorry Glowless).

See, if I then posted Sunday Sessions the whole thing would become some sort of cataphonic mess and people would run screaming from their computers, and we can't have that, can we?

So, my apologies, but you are dumped. Don't take it personally.

Cheers

P.S. Go check out Thea's Sunday Sessions, after all you may not be as cool as me and have a Mixpod on your blog.

If It's FYBF It Must Be Friday, Right?

Wrong. Thanks to the Blogger debacle (which it seems in some shape or form is continuing to some extent) it is Saturday. So whilst it is still Flog Yo Blog Friday, it is happening on Saturday... Clear as mud? Good.

Will be back to fill in the blanks but am sleep deprived (partying), brain dead (hungover) and off to bed.

But was mean enough to jump in and book my spot.

Night!

Oils? Seriously, Oils?

If you are wondering why there is one oils song on loop it is because of this post I have linked elsewhere. Need the song to singalong, lol.

Eat It All Out.

Sorry. Won't be for long.



Woot - Blogger Is Back!

In honour of the recent Blogger breakdown I've added a new song list. It is very frustrating when you have something to say and you can't say it.

So thank you Blogger, for resolving the issue quickly, and for resolving lots of my issues. What's that? You don't think being responsible for my mental well-being is the aim of Blogger? Oh, come on - lighten up a little! A burden shared is a burden halved... Or something like that!

Just wish I could remember what was so important for me to post yesterday...

The Reasons I Am - Happy Mother's Day!

Boy 1 & Boy 2

Boy 2

Boy 2

Boy 1

Boy 1

Brothers - Jan 2011

Motherhood & The Things We Take For Granted - Weekend Grateful

I believe everything happens for a reason.

The painful implosion of a friendship - necessary to give you much needed space to realise how toxic it was in the first place.

The financial struggles of day to day life - required so when these times ease you appreciate it so much more.

The agony of loss - to remember the joy of having them in your life at all.

The fear of a mother. A reminder to make you realise the importance of appreciating what you still have, not drowning in what you have lost.

This Sunday is Mother's Day here in Australia. A day to celebrate the joy of motherhood, to spoil those that deserve it. It should be at least once a month as far as I am concerned. Why? Because we Mums are absolutely fricken awesome! Because we Mums are NEVER off duty. Because we Mums support our children unconditionally and are ourselves the last to be supported in a lot of situations.

This Sunday is my first Mother's Day without my

 Wise Woman. 

You can imagine how I have been feeling about that one.  As the date approached I felt physically ill at the thought of being without her, and asked Big Boy to please arrange for us to be away from here for the day. I could not bear to think of being home on this day without her.

Now, as I said I believe things happen for a reason. I also believe my beautiful mother is somewhere using her strength, persuasiveness and sheer obstinance to continue to look out for me and my family. Things have happened since she left this world, things that have no other explanation than her pulling out the big guns, and I continually feel her love and strength protecting and supporting me.

My Mum. The only person on this earth who could keep me in line, the only one to calm my raging anger, the sane voice of reason when I was threatening dire retribution to any who crossed me, the one who pulled me into line and made me look at things from a more realistic and logical direction.

The centre of our family - October 1996

This week I had a very sick child. My second son. I won't go into details, suffice to say he had the medical profession and his parents totally baffled. And scared. Terrified in fact.

Obviously, after nearly a week, he is on the road to recovery. I would not be posting otherwise.

We still have no idea what this was, but I am so incredibly grateful he is getting better. And somewhere in the back of my mind is the thought that maybe it was a Wise Woman kick up the proverbial... A reminder to make you realise the importance of appreciating what you still have, not drowning in what you have lost.

Thanks Mum. I am now looking forward to tomorrow without any shadows. Well, maybe only a little one, but you wouldn't expect me not to miss you at all, would you...
 
 
This is my Weekend Grateful.




 
 
 

Just like the Ad.

You know the one.

Male voice over: “Suddenly”

Dad with young baby: “You’re here”

Mother with baby: “Here”

Mother feeding toddler: “Here”

Mother running with child on grass: “Here”

Dad with child and dog on beach: “Here”

Children in water park: “Here”

Young teenagers lying on grass: “Here”

Group of teenagers at formal: “We’re here!”

Male voice over: “Then suddenly, you’re not here”

Part of the Queensland "Here for Life" campaign. (Really powerful, go look)

Maybe my lack of comments on the blogs I regularly visit has not been missed. Maybe I am just full of my own self-importance but have not been noticed as gone. But if some of you did here's why.

I did not chuck a YAAB tanty, I did not decide certain posts were not worthy...

DISQUS chewed me up and spat me out AGAIN! This time it was nearly two months of not being able to comment AT ALL on these blogs. I was at the point of deleting a lot of them from my blog list and then:

*POOF*

the fat pink DISQUS fairy Godmother decided to be magnanimous and allow me commenting priviledges once more. Why? God only knows, because I sure as hell don't.

I'm telling ya -  this is one annoying fairy to piss off!

Spoke too soon - Caitlyn, cannot comment on your blog! ARRGGGGGGGGGH! Knew I shouldn't a posted her photo, that friggin' fairy is so damn easy to piss off!

 

Here we go again... *sigh*.

OBama got OSama! Another Twisted Madmother Post...

Well, you gotta admit it was a little confusing because...

And it gets worse:

Spitting image, eh?

He really had no choice but to...

Remove the issue.



A very twisted

Here.

Go. Read. Yes, I entered, but am sad to confess it was a piece I had already written, and probably doesn't meet the criteria. Just too busy with work, meeting hot bloggers and sick kids. That's my excuse and I'm sticking to it.

Just one criticism: Tork, next time add a linky list or something similar. It is a pain in the arse to go cut and paste all the links to read the other entries. Just sayin'.

Off to spend my time reading the competition entries.