Tuesday, June 7, 2011

When Nice People Attack

Everybody has a breaking point. Everybody can be pushed to their limit. Some people seem to be able to ignore and refuse to engage with the nastiness for a very long time. They are genuinely NICE people. They pity others who feel the need to manipulate, threaten or resort to lies to get to the top of the heap.

BUT when you push them too far, even they snap. Especially if children are involved. I don't know about you, but my lioness side rears loudly when my kids are affected!  And when it is the popular and well-liked people who start to acknowledge the toxic nature of one person, others sit up and take notice far more!
Yes, the soap opera dramas continue, more so for other friends than for me (she really has broadened her target area nowadays), and words are being tossed around like psychopath, which I thought a little extreme until I read this:
 A psychopath will use people for excitement, entertainment, to build their self-esteem and they invariably value people in terms of their material value (e.g. money, property, comfort, etc..). They can involve and get other people into trouble quickly and they seem to have no regret for their actions. But there are warning signs. The following warning signs are based on my experience but primarily research conducted by Robert Hare, Ph.D - the leading expert on the Psychopathic Personality:
Characteristics of a Psychopath:
*superficial charm
*self-centered & self-important
*need for stimulation & prone to boredom
*deceptive behavior & lying
*conning & manipulative
*little remorse or guilt
*shallow emotional response
*callous with a lack of empathy
*living off others or predatory attitude
*poor self-control
*lack of realistic long term goals
*impulsive lifestyle
*irresponsible behavior
*blaming others for their actions
*short term relationships/friendships

A psychopath is usually a subtle manipulator. They do this by playing to the emotions of others. They typically have high verbal intelligence, but they lack what is commonly referred to as "emotional intelligence". There is always a shallow quality to the emotional aspect of their stories. In particular they have difficulty describing how they felt, why they felt that way, or how others may feel and why. In many cases you almost have to explain it to them. Close friends and parents will often end up explaining to the psychopath how they feel and how others feel who have been hurt by him or her. They can do this over and over with no significant change in the person's choices and behavior. They don't understand or appreciate the impact that their behavior has on others. They do appreciate what it means when they are caught breaking rules or the law even though they seem to end up in trouble again. They desperately avoid incarceration and loss of freedom but continue to act as if they can get away with breaking the rules. They don't learn from these consequences. They seem to react with feelings and regret when they are caught. But their regret is not so much for other people as it is for the consequences that their behavior has had on them, their freedom, their resources and their so called "friends." They can be very sad for their self. A psychopath is always in it for their self even when it seems like they are caring for and helping others. The definition of their "friends" are people who support the psychopath and protect them from the consequence of their own antisocial behavior. Shallow friendships, low emotional intelligence, using people, antisocial attitudes and failure to learn from the repeated consequences of their choices and actions help identify the psychopath.
~Michael Grayson Conner, Psy.D
Licensed Psychologist
Clinical, Medical & Family Psychology

Dear Lord. They could be right. This one has now reached avalanche proportion with her behaviour and attempted retribution. It is quite scary to watch her try and manipulate her way out of the chaos she has instigated with a "It's not me, it's them, all of them!"

No remorse. Never her, always others. And the circle of those bad people victimising her grows and grows and grows. Must be hard to be the most loathed person in a small community, I know I felt a little like that when all her actions and toxicity were aimed directly at me. When her lies tried to taint my actions with the poison of her own behaviour. Luckily I had good friends to get me through, whilst her circle is shrinking and shrinking. I watched her the other day, when we were both at a school function. Few approached her, many outright ignored her, others talked of her and her childish high school antics (even some who surprised me with comments as I thought they were unaware of the drama). I would pity her if she only would realise what she has done. Hell, I do pity her to be honest. It must be really tragic to be so unhappy, sad to be so ill and unable to seek help because you do not and will not acknowledge your problems... And to be so very alone.

Won't somebody think of the children?


Anonymous said...

Hey MM, I have one of those down here. I have reached breaking point, last friday in fact. Hope all is ok. Belinda

Madmother said...

I'm all good. But a friend was in tears when she learnt of what this woman had done in the past. Sadly the actions were over a year ago, but the friend had only just learnt from another who has been targeted.

So, what happened with yours Bel?

Anonymous said...

Pretty much the same situation, the said ex friend of mine burnt all her bridges and almost ruined an entire family by spreading malicious rumours.To the point that the Dep of Families landed on their doorstep. She told people that the reason her friendship with us had ended because she had asked my husband to be a donor so she could have another child. We had no idea about this made up story and apparently I had cracked the shits at her and ended our friendship.My husband was disgusted that she had made up such shit to cover her own lying manipulative games.Now both families, mine & the other victims of her have had to take out a peace and good behaviour order on her.She is a headcase.She is so caught up in lies that the truth is a long forgotton thing. She is also responsible for our house being broken into.The local police have her in their sights.All round it is one really crap situation.

Madmother said...

Now, THAT is serious shit. Wow. This has been talked about amongst us, but to be honest ours is pitiful, not truly dangerous as yet.

Anonymous said...

I see you've turned your hand to writing biographies. Cathy