Tuesday, June 21, 2011

I Remember - InkPaperPen Write on Wednesday.

Write On Wednesdays

The Write On Wednesdays Rules: First of all, I am not a big fan of rules. Feel free to get creative with the writing exercises - there is no right or wrong. But please do try to visit the other members of Write On Wednesdays. You can grab the button for Write On Wednesdays if you fancy doing so.

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 3 - I remember: Write "I remember" a the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Use "I remember" as your prompt and write down the first words that come into your head for 5 minutes. Stop when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. I will try to do it every morning this week. I'll let you know how I go...I am hoping that the thought of having to tell you all about my progress will be the motivation I need to keep at it!

I remember. I remember stopping, breathing, letting life fly past without me. I remember shutting the doors, turning on the answering machine, running the bath, lighting the candles, pouring the wine, then pouring myself neck deep into bubbles.

I remember closing the blinds, locking the doors, lighting the gas heater, curling up with a book. I remember indulgence of the self. I remember when it was all about me. I remember freedom of choice: The chardonnay or the sav blanc?

I remember time. Without constant deadlines other than those left behind at work. I remember a different life, a life of before. I remember me.

And then I remember you and I would not change a moment of the now.

I remember her laughter, her smile, her touch. I remember the dappled sunshine flickering through the hisbiscus leaves. I remember the flashes of flowering red amongst the green and the soft kisses of the summer breeze. I remember the roughness of the dry sand on my skin and the softness of her touch. I remember the joy of endless, timeless playing. I remember her long tannned legs draping over the side of the sandpit. I remember the slkiness of her white dress, and the shaking of her chest as we laughed. I remember the patience with which she stayed and played and concentrated on her child. Me. I remember love.
I remember my mother.

ETA: Please critique all you can. I know my writing at times does not flow, is choppy, and my grammer can leave a lot to desire. I want, no YEARN to learn and cannot unless you pull it apart and share your own knowledge/opinion.



Anonymous said...

I too remember the "before" but wouldn't change the "now" because all that came inbetween has made me who I am today.

Sometimes I think "what if I never had that car accident" but then my life and family would probably be very different than it is and I can't comprehend that. Cathy.

Sarah Mac said...

Oh, I remember 'before' too, good times. So nice to remember but I wouldn't change the now either.

I love the memory of your Mother, it's beautiful.

Toushka Lee said...

Your writing made me cry today so I think that's all the critique it needs. Love your work.

Megan Blandford said...

Beautiful - so heartfelt and real. x

InkPaperPen said...

I think these pieces, especially the first, flow beautifully. Did you like them? Would you want to use either of these pieces to extend into a story? I find it hard to critique on pieces resulting from timed stream of consciousness exercises, because they really are the first words that come into your head. But I am searching for some critique to offer you! Perhaps, I would look at changing the last line of the first piece? Just to give it more impact. It is a lovely sentiment and so worth emphasizing. Maybe by making the sentence/s shorter? What do you think?

Love how you are doing it daily !

Gill xo

Adalita said...

I love them both - good memories never fade.

Anne said...

I loved both pieces too Madmother. I love that they were 'choppy' in places. I read fast and I could feel myself speeding up at the shorter sentences and slowing down at the more descriptive, well described, more meaningful, longer sentences. (I'm no writing expert or critic. Just telling you how I found it.)

Anne @ Domesblissity

Anonymous said...

The only critique I can offer is that you put your mother on a pedestal, and yet you seem quite hard on yourself. I think you write well, and you have a good eye. As Gill says, this is stream of consciousness: just let it come out, and see what ideas come of it. Don't talk yourself down before you even get out of the blocks.
You paint a vivid picture of your mum. Great work MM. :)

Susan @ Reading Upside Down said...

I enjoyed both pieces. The first struck a chord with me as a mother and I thought that the second was a lovely collection of memories. I liked the way your memories involved different senses.

Naomi said...

Oh I remember the before... wouldn't change the now... but sometimes I still yearn for it.

Lene said...

I love both pieces but particularly the one about your Mum...Beautiful.

Mer said...

I remember the "before" as well. Would love to re-visit my "before" briefly. And your mum sounds beautiful!

E. said...

I really liked both of these.

I probably preferred the before piece as it's something that I can relate to. Something I remember with pleasure and occasional longing.