Thursday, March 4, 2010

Ignore me at the moment...



I am full of it, and I use this blog as therapy sometimes. It stops me from screaming, which scares the children. Here, and a few other places online, I can think out loud, sort through things, get other's perspectives. At times, like now, it will get too deep and personal for some. Please forgive my self-focus, but sometimes you just have to get it out.

I just watched Doctor Phil (not something I usually do), and one line he has uttered really hits home. He was talking about good, true and loyal friends, and his definition of such. "They are the ones walking in the door as everyone else walks out uttering: what a bitch..."

Sums it up really, and it is something I have never had an issue doing for others, and yet I feel so alone when I need a shoulder. We are all entitled to drop the Mary Sunshine mask every now and again, but I must admit to feeling I cannot.

One of the few people I ever let witness my weak points was one of the two who turned on me last year. The one I still have no idea why. I have to admit it has been one of the biggest betrayals of my life. And one that obviously, when things are bad, will still hurt at times. Not all the time, most days are good. But right now as my husband battles some pretty big demons emotionally and health wise... well it would have been she I would have called. Big Boy is a very private man, and I know before all of this he would have been okay with me talking to her. That is how close we all were.

But no-one else. And after her actions, or supposed actions (as the small community chinese whispers kick in), he has lost his desire to confide in others or to allow me to.

Add into this the fact that a lot of our close friends are facing hard times in their lives too, and have no emotional reserves to support us with. I just would not ask.


I guess I am just wallowing in self-pity and feeling very alone. We are all allowed sometimes.




And the crappy weather and the damage it has caused does not help...

As I said, ignore my poor me rant, I'll get over it.


6 comments:

Dr.Lyn said...

You can borrow my shoulder. Always available for a cuppa.

Sharalyn said...

((HUGS)). If you need anything, or just someone to rant to I'm here for you. Hope things improve soon.

Kakka said...

Okay - you don't know me from Adam - I live on the other side of the country so it is unlikely I know anyone that you do. You ever need to dump, I am happy to be the one that listens - just listens - not tells you what to do. I can give you my email address (privately) if that would help, cause I am the one who walks in as the others are leaving cause that is what good friends do. Hope that is not too weird for you seeing you don't know me except through here. Hugs xxx

Heather said...

sometimes life sucks, doesn't it? It is hard to reach out again after being hurt but important to bare in mind that not everybody is like that. most people are good mostly.

Aussie-waffler said...

You know, it really has been one of those weeks hasn't it. I have been hiding from Blogland and Twitter whilst quietly seething over a friendship betrayal of my own. Next week they are forecasting sunshine, lets hope it heralds a much nicer week. And just for the record, Dr.Lyn has a very good shoulder to borrow, when she isn't sliding off your couch :) x

Madmother said...

I like the fact that Dr. Lyn slides off the couch, Then I ain't alone on the floor, lol.

Sorry to hear you are weathering the same sort of thing. What happened to loyalty and integrity and the support of girlfriends above all?