Not waving, drowning. I do not know what to do, this is uncharted territory and I do not have an emotional GPS to navigate these treacherous waters. All I know is right now we are sinking, and the last lifeboat may well have sailed.
He is twelve, and standing on the cusp of puberty. The signs are there, he is developing hair in places before bare, his voice is deepening, the moods are darkening. We knew it was going to be hard, but this is terrifying. A boy facing teenagehood is difficult enough, one without emotional restraint or control is beyond daunting. It is petrifying. We are frustrated, but so is he. His lack of control and multiple meltdowns have us questioning: Can we do this? What on earth made us think we were prepared enough, that we had faced perils and challenges, the battles and the angst, and that this was just one more campaign to move him towards adulthood and independence? It is not that difficult to fight the will and nature of a child, it is a different story when it is a young man being inflexible, rigid, unrealistic...
We are lost. We do not know what to do, or how to help ease his way. And deep in our hearts we probably know that THAT is the real answer. We cannot. It is time for him to step up and face his own inner demons, to quell the turmoil within. It is now his fight, and all we can do is hold him when he cries, be tough with him when he is losing heart, and combat him when he is not being rational or calm. And love him whatever.
It is the hardest part of the journey, letting go... And I do not know if we are strong enough to get through this pain.
I can only pray we have given the boy enough strength to be able to become a man.