Monday, January 25, 2010

Cracking The Sads.

I am going to follow Alex and take a little blogging hiatus. After a wonderful school holidays surrounded by those I really enjoy being with, the reality of having to return to a school where I have to see unpleasant people on a daily basis has hit me hard.

A new school year is difficult enough, especially the first few weeks with Boy 1, but having to deal with this nastiness... Well, it has me worried. A few weeks ago I don't think it would have phased me, but learning someone was questioning my integrity and mental health, spreading innuendo and lies... I am really upset about it. Normally if told of something like this (especially about 5th hand) I would go to the person and try to find out the truth. After all, we all know how chinese whispers can distort. But having been close to her and in her confidence I am very aware of how she dealt with the last person (deny, deny, deny), and it would serve no purpose. 

The end result will make her happy anyway, I now wonder what she has said to whom, and who believes her. I consider myself a pretty good judge of character and she had me fooled for a hell of a long time, so I do not doubt she will spin a believable speil to many.

And so, I need to take some time out to concentrate on me and mine. It may be a day, a week or a month, I have no set time frame in mind. I am not deleting this blog, merely stalling for a little.

Until I feel in a better place I cannot spend time here. It shows you how much the betrayal of a friend can screw with your life.

Big Boy thinks I need to stop wearing my heart on my sleeve, I think he may be right and I need not to care about others as much. It is too damn painful, and it can be used to hurt.



Anonymous said...

*sob* I hope the break is a quick one and you come back much refreshed. Wish these nasty people would just nick off (hmm, had to think of a g-rated word there).

Anonymous said...

I am so sorry to read that someone has affected you in this way with thier words and actions.
I know that I for one will miss reading your updates on your boys and life if you are gone too long.
I hope that you are back soon, and that the first few weeks back at school arent all that bad. I hope that routine comes easily and you are back to being the mad mother we all love to read.
Do enjoy your time out - but come back soon

Wendy (aka quillfeather). said...

Sorry to hear. Wishing your problems sorted as soon as humanly possible.

Look forward to your return.

Kakka said...

Sending lots of hugs from this side of our big land, hope to see you back sooner rather than later, but take all the time you need, I will keep checking to see if you are here. My little bit of advice, for what it is worth, is this - You know who you are, you know you are loved by many - even random strangers like me - she and others can only hurt you if you allow them too. Easy for me to say I know, but be strong, we love you and it is only if you show them that you are wounded by their actions that they will get any satisfaction at all. Hugs from Perth xxx

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Oh Madmother, I'm so sad and angry on your behalf. I only know you via cyberspace but already know you're a damned awesome person. I too had a toxic friend that I had to back away slowly from. I hope you work out a way to deal with her and that you have enough true friends who can sort the poison from the sugar. Be strong and know that you will {eventually} come out the other side better for it - but damn, it hurts while you're down there at their level. Hugs to you xxx

Alex said...

Is her name Kelly?

Sorry, but I totally understand how you feel.

My best friend / bridesmaid/ godmother to my 1st born has totally done a mean girls on me.

For no reason other than out of her circle of new friends, when she was having problems that she didn't want to address, it was easier to kill an old friend than her new ones who only know her as Mrs Stepford 'the super mom". (laughs hysterically).

On Friday, this girl who couldn't make the effort to drive to my house for parties and get togethers because she was terrified of driving, was spotted by me picking her kids up from vacation care 50m from my house. I lost it.

Girls suck.

That's why, hubs and I are exploring all avenues to do something fun and new.

Don't let other people define you. The world is a big place and if we limit ourselves to what we know and are familiar with, then we are missing the chance to learn something new.

And possibly far more satisfying.

Vicki said...

Look after yourself and come back when you are ready (hopefully soon). There is lots of love for you here in bloggie land.

Brooke said...

Look after yourself. Just remember - you know what you are like.

We will be here waiting and hope you are feeling better soon.

InfoMidwife said...

I am sorry to read your blog... and wonder if we as humans can ever be kind to each other and stop hurting the ones we are supposed to be friends with....or is it that we take the friendship for granted that we do not think we are hurting the people we love...its pure madness..
A few questions for you to ponder on Madmothern not that I am an expert....

why do you blog and what does this person have to do with your blogging?

why are you allowing this person to affect your psyche so much?

finally stand true to yourself with your own truth and things will fall into a natural justice..... good luck... and hope you are back kind to yourself....

Kellyansapansa said...

Take as long as you need. We'll be here waiting when you return. Please try to remember that her behaviour is HER issue, not yours. Her despicable actions do not reflect badly on you. Take care and look after yourself. xx

Jen said...

I have come back from holidays and was wondering why you're lovely blog heading isn't turning up in my blog reader thingy and now I know :( . I am so sorry that this shite is happening to you :( . You are a wonderful person and strong and giving, you don't know me from a bar of soap and yet you have helped me more than you could know. I hope that the storm rolls over soon and school drop offs and pick ups became an easier place to be.

Look after yourself and your beautiful boys and I await for your return my blogging friend and ASD mentor. xoJen

PS"I wear my heart on my sleeve too, it can be a hurtful way to live, but also a pretty good one in good times"

Madmother said...

I know logically it should not affect me this way, but this was someone I thought was a close friend. She did many wonderful, supportive things over the friendship which is why I was blindsided when it all hit. I have questioned, analysed and looked at every thing I can think of and I still have no idea what caused this rift. But now the mask has dropped. I deleted her from Facebook and she has deleted me from her life. No longer does she bother to cover her real feelings - she has the perfect excuse.
But I could bear it no longer, I was sick of being ignored and manipulated and it was time to say "Enough!" I now have a sense of relief, and as she then blocked me, I no longer have to even see her posts to mutual friends. One day she may have the decency to tell me what was so bad I did... But probably not. I need to let it all go and move on, and leave them to their little high school games. Done. Finally.

Thank you all for your support, empathy and words. Believe me every letter was appreciated.

Madmother said...

I should have added:

"Now, on with the show!" ;-)

InfoMidwife said...

nice to see you back......the show must go