Loss

I miss you.

I sat across from you this morning and watched as your eyes turned to ice every time you had to respond to or address me. You spoke to me only when I talked to you. Not once did you enquire how my life was or what I as up to. I had hoped it was a phase. That I was imagining the freeze, that others were wrong. I had thought we were good friends, close friends. I was wrong. And I am sad. I do not know what I have done, what unforgivable sin I have committed. I guess I assumed that friendship meant honesty, and a chance to rectify mistakes if you were made aware of making them. Sadly, I now have to admit that maybe I misread things. Could it be that trust, loyalty, caring was not what we were about? Or is it your fear of people getting too close? Do you have a need to drive away and hurt that stems from your deep insecurity and the pain of a child betrayed?

I know I am not the first who has been discarded. I thought your reasons were sound, but now have to wonder if she was as bewildered as I am? A close friend over several years cast aside, adrift with no knowledge of why? And I ponder, who is next?

I also have to wonder if you think I do not see, or maybe you take some sadistic joy in causing me pain. For whatever you call me, I only called you friend.