Monday, November 9, 2009

Loss







I miss you.






I sat across from you this morning and watched as your eyes turned to ice every time you had to respond to or address me. You spoke to me only when I talked to you. Not once did you enquire how my life was or what I as up to. I had hoped it was a phase. That I was imagining the freeze, that others were wrong. I had thought we were good friends, close friends. I was wrong. And I am sad. I do not know what I have done, what unforgivable sin I have committed. I guess I assumed that friendship meant honesty, and a chance to rectify mistakes if you were made aware of making them. Sadly, I now have to admit that maybe I misread things. Could it be that trust, loyalty, caring was not what we were about? Or is it your fear of people getting too close? Do you have a need to drive away and hurt that stems from your deep insecurity and the pain of a child betrayed?

I know I am not the first who has been discarded. I thought your reasons were sound, but now have to wonder if she was as bewildered as I am? A close friend over several years cast aside, adrift with no knowledge of why? And I ponder, who is next?

I also have to wonder if you think I do not see, or maybe you take some sadistic joy in causing me pain. For whatever you call me, I only called you friend.

3 comments:

Melissa said...

I'm so sorry, Tanya. But believe me when I say that the loss is all hers. It is an honour to be your friend.

Kakka said...

This must have been a hard one to write, so sorry that your friendship has come to this. Wish there was something I could say to make it better for you. Hugs from Perth xxx

InfoMidwife said...

someone once told me that friendships are not always meant to last a lifetime but last as long as it is required......the lesson has been learnt....