WARNING: TMI following, not for the faint-hearted.
I have decided a lot of people are inherently deceitful. Nobody ever tells you about the effects of growing older until you are mid-crisis and then they chime in with a gleeful "Oh, didn't you know about that?" It is not the first time I have experienced this.
There are times in life where there seems to be a cone of silence fixed in place. It is as if others want you to join them in their misery and so do not warn anyone of implications of certain actions. A little cult group waiting patiently for you to stumble in, then they pounce.
Here are just a few examples:
- Post childbirth changes. Yes, we are all told about the pelvic floor bits, and the stretch marks and the physical change in appearance like the bigger waist and saggier boobs, but did anyone mention to you about the horrific differences at that time of the month? You know, the unmentionable monthlies? When my cycle resumed I was convinced I was suffering from some terrible complication, NO-ONE had seen fit to explain that my normally average or light period would transform into this deluge overflowing even the super, super pads. And the clots - hell, I thought I was giving birth to a residual twin or something! I foolishly assumed, after a friend had calmed me and quietly informed me it was normal, my body would gradually adjust and return to its pre-birth patterns. My youngest turned ten in August. I am still waiting.
Last but not least, are the food/digestive reactions. Or should I just say the farting issues. I am in no way a delicate little petal and quite honestly admit to being the guilty party in teaching my sons the old pull my finger trick, but the amount of gas I am producing nowadays? And the distinct odour? Well, I certainly have learned to move quickly away from the area of the offence to avoid any black looks or finger pointing. Especially as I may misinterpret said action as joining in the fun and go to pull it. According to my doctor it is still only a part of the ageing process. A part which nobody mentions. Ever.
Somebody needs to write a blunt, factual and maybe somewhat humorous account of this process. Then it wouldn't be quite as big a shock to so many of us. Especially me.