Muse Wars - The Remix - Part 1

Once upon a time there were three little girls who went to the police academy... whoops, sorry. Channelling Charlie's Angels for a minute there.

But once upon a time there were a group of bloggers who participated in a linky of short story posts. Created by Melissa, it was coined "Muse Wars" by moi, yes Madmother copyright peoples, and after 7 or 8 runs it fizzled into the either. Attempted revivals by MM failed a couple of times and then at a blog conference a discussion with the lovely Lori of RRSAHM has resulted in another run.

The gist is this:

* See photo

* Write story (up to 1000 words)

* Linke before it closes on July 27th.

Not sure if Lori is going to continue with the old routine of first to link gets to post and host next photo/linky?

Photo for revival Muse Wars #1:

Will post this then add linky in later for those who wish to join.

Happy writing!

The Story of That Little Button of Pleasure...

My little button went into hiding on Saturday night. There I was, all ready to jump in and give in to my craving for release when ...with a *FLICK* and a *POP* it vanished into the dark recesses. I nearly cried. When searching did not bring it back, I nearly screamed. Frustration burst through my, by that time of night very limited, decorum.

"NOOOOOO!" I yelled... well, quietly muttered darkly under my breath as not to wake the sleeping munchkins upstairs.

We had been at a 1920's belated Valentine's party. Great fun, great costumes, great company, and no imbibing for this little black duck due to some health stuff. But that is okay, my reward was to come later. Or so I thought.

But then... then disaster struck. *Sob*

Gone, hidden, no more to be seen.



Now, I can just see all of you dirty minded little fuckers lurkers putting hands over mouth and going "Ooh - clitorous post!"

Ah, sorry to disappoint. No.

It was the little plastic toggle that sits under the top button bit and is essential to the mouse function. My laptop is aging, and deteriorating rapidly. A week ago I had to remove the clip on the top, to reveal the toggle-like tiny plastic volcano-shape beneath. Then a few days later (as said shape kept sinking and the top part kept sliding sideways into toggle) the top snapped off! Sticky tape to the unsatisfactory rescue, until 1 am Sunday morning, when *flick*, one false move and the little lid, not much bigger than the top of a pencil, flew off into the netherlands of my printer. Well, actually slid inside my printer by a minute gap in one of the sections where the paper sits.


Under that left button there.

*Poof* - vanished!
Big Boy was already snoring his head off after too many cocktails, so there was no chance of remedying the situation until daylight.

All I wanted was my cyber fix - surely that was not much to ask when one is wide awake and needing to wind down?

I was so distressed I turned to the only thing open to me... Chocolate.

*Sigh*

Oh, you really are a dirty-minded little bunch, aren't you?
;-0

Fluff, Yeah I did say it: *Fluff* poem!

Blog Days of Bounty

In my first blogging comp

The winner me to be

A camera from Woog & JVC

For the second blogging comp

Specsavers sent to me

A freebie time for glasses

A camera from Woog & JVC

In the second blogging comp

Acknowledged she must be:

Madame Bipolar

With freebie time for glasses

Add to camera from Woog & JVC

For the third blogging comp

Misc – laneous Mum laughed in glee

Sydney Writer’s centre voucher,

Madame Bipolar

With freebie time for glasses

Add to camera from Woog & JVC

For the fourth blogging comp

U_B_ER_KATE!

Sydney Writer’s centre voucher,

Madame Bipolar

With freebie time for glasses

Add to camera from Woog & JVC

With the fourth blogging comp

Wanderlust gave to me:

U_B_ER_KATE!

Sydney Writer’s centre voucher,

Madame Bipolar

With freebie time for glasses

Add to camera from Woog & JVC

In the fifth blogging comp

We will have to wait and see!

As none entered as yet by me!

And to the wonderful ones who ran these comps for me to blitz win:

Go, check out their blogs, though I have no doubt you already do!

Merry Blogging one and all!

A Post About Poop.

Our lives revolve around poop at the moment. I guess my life has always revolved around poop.

My childhood was spent listening to my father, the aptly named Grumblebum, complain about his bowel habits. Every day he would dose himself up on salts (for those of you who don't know, salts are this old-fashioned remedy for chronic constipation. Downside - you poo like wee and as it runs out it scours you) and then we would get the running commentary of, "Well, I only managed a little bit. Something is wrong, I just know it."  ALL DAY. Until the next morning and the next dose of salts.

My Grandmother, Yee-Haw Grandma, was fond of conning us kids with the old Laxettes. You know, looks like chocolate, tastes like shit. Still around today, apparently. Wonder if they managed to fix the off-putting so not chocolate no matter what it looks like flavour? Certainly not going to test it myself! Luckily, I never suffered the fall out of the Granny sabotage. Wise Woman put a very quick halt to any attempts after my sister, the Flame-Haired Hellion, suffered the embarrassment of pooing her pants in kindergarten thanks to the yucky chocolate being slipped to her.

Wise Woman herself was even guilty of some poo pushing punishments. I was so young and cannot remember clearly if it was for being naughty or for being packed to the personal perimeter with poo, but the good old paraffin oil was Wise Woman's weapon of choice. {{UGH}}

Sadly, she suffered the indignity of an unresponsive bowel as she grew older. In her last years she had to resort to laxatives herslef, in the form of Movicol, due to the shrinking of her body squashing that poor bowel down until it was quite unable to perform its function.

I was always a strange pooper myself. Twice a week was not unusual, though with irritable bowel thrown in I would have a very painful but effective clean out every few weeks if stressed, or I ate the wrong food and triggered it.

So, when Boy 2 became ill recently, the first thing asked was "When did you last poo?" I don't have babies any longer. My children are eleven and thirteen, so having your mother enquire about your bowel habits is kinda embarrassing and yucky. Even worse when you have to confess, "Over a week ago..."

You can well imagine my reaction to that. He has always been like me, once maybe twice a week. I never really worried as it was the same as my childhood bowel habits, without the IBD. Boy 1 is every-night-same-time boy, just like his dad, Big Boy. So I figured, "well one had to be like me..."

But OVER A WEEK! Can you imagine the backlog in that small body? Let's just say my response was enough to scare the shit outa him. He now poops every second day. Gradually the dried faeces are being pushed out, though we do have a bottle of Parachoc on hand if the GP thinks it is necessary.

As for me. Well, in my old age my bowel motions have finally decided to become normal. Once a day girl, yep, that's me. Probably so I can read in peace for a few moments. What? Too much information? Surely not.

Oh, and Grumblebum and his salts? He developed treatable bowel cancer in his seventies. Took great pleasure in telling everyone he always knew there was something seriously wrong. We didn't have the heart to point out his specialist thought the years of poor diet and bowel abuse probably contributed a fair bit to the cancer developing.

A Madmother Twisted Royal Wedding View...

I told you we looked stupid! Did not. Did too...

Oh shut up girls, you sound just like your mother!

Whaddya mean they'd make a great couple? She isn't even a blonde!

The blonde? What blonde? Nah, I'm solo tonight.

And of course, who could forget young Grace, who seriously did not think it was worth all the who-ha... 

 I want to go home now! Mummy said this would be fun.
I don't want to do this.

I told you I don't like this!

Why are they all tormenting me so? Mummmmmy! Take me home!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is enough to scar a child for life!

 

Tallyhoooo from a very Royal

Just have to do this...

Those of you who have already seen this from me on FB, please forgive me, I just had to post it here too!




Woot!

Blog Gems

I don't know if you lot know of Blog Gems.

How many posts do you have languishing in your archives? Great posts that will never be dusted off and brought out to breathe again! Maybe you created fabulous content before you had lots of followers, or maybe you have been blogging for years and your current followers haven't seen your older material.

Blog Gems - Air Your Archives is a forthnighly linky list where we will give a prompt and you select a post from your archives that fits the prompt.
 Some of the more observant of you will notice that the link under the name and the link in the button are different. That is because a group of the creator's blogworld friends are helping her out by hosting the fortnightly hop. You see Jen's little man, HRH, has just been diagnosed with a serious condition, add in the fact he is on the spectrum (just like my gorgeous Boy 1) and life is a little difficult for the HRH family at the moment.

So, go to Mommy To Two Boys and join up to the blog hop; this one is a call out for some fun or fluff or just downright silliness. Something to help loosen the stranglehold of worry around the HRH household. And maybe stop by Jen's blog to add a little blog love? I know I can count on you lot.

And for those of us who still have a sense of the ridiculous on this ASD rollercoaster - here's one just for you. Please don't click if you don't find the funny side in some of the darkness, you will be offended.

The Sweet Life

My lovely loud sister in bloghood over at Suger Coat It, Melissa,  has decided to start a new blog hop.

Aptly named:






Rules are (as copied from her royal loudness:
Link up to a photo, a post... Anything that share's your sweet life with us. It is simple. Link up. Go and visit others on the list {if there is anyone else!} comment and follow at will and add the button to either your post or your sidebar. If that's your thing.



I've jumped on the bandwagon - how about you?

P.S. Happy Easter to all of you and all of yours. xx

Queen of Procrastination: A Force to be Reckoned With!



Monday Madness from Manic Madmother - Yes, Fluff!

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.

(Hardly seems worth it.)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.

(Now that's more like it!)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.

(O.M.G.!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.

(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.

(Creepy... I'm still not over the pig.)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Don't try this at home; maybe at work.)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.

(Honey, I'm home. What the...?)

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes. Lucky pig! Can you imagine?)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.

(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.

(I still want to be a pig in my next life... quality over quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.

(Something I always wanted to know.)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.

(Hmmmmmm...)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.

(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

 Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.

(Okay, so that would be a good thing.)

 A cat's urine glows under a black light.

(I wonder how much the government paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.

(I know some people like that, too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.

(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.

(What about that pig? Do the dolphins know about the pig?)

Now that you've smiled at least once, it's your turn to spread these crazy facts and let it bring someone you like smile, maybe even chuckle.

(and God love that pig!)

Word Verification Waffle.

Am I the only one who finds some of these hilarious? The only one with a warped mind?

The latest one on my last comment (DFF - all your fault!):

Kenclap: something Ken desperately does not want Barbie to find out about...

The Imaginarium of a Madmother

Yes, I'm a little warped. Put it down to a childhood filled with magical laughter and lots of imaginings. And a mother who believed her teddy bears came alive at night right up to her death (vale' Wise Woman - don't worry, I still put the blankie over your bears on a cold night) at 91. I love to weave tales for my boys, and I must admit my sense of the absurd has helped a lot in our journey with awetismness.

Now, I have to tell you this reminiscing journey has been prompted by a blog post. Thank's to Torkona and his inaugural blog award I have found a new obsession addiction blogger to follow. Head on over to the winner, you'll soon see why she took it out even though she is a fairly recent arrival on Blogworld. In fact it is her post, Bullshitification which has prompted me thinking about the imaginarium of childhood fantasy and *ahem* slight untruths we spin to ease the way for our kids. Oh, and to cover up adult stuff-ups of course. Many of which I have already mentioned here.

• There was, of course, the drunken tooth fairy debacle. You remember, when old toothy partaked of a little too much morning dew, very intoxicating to fairies, and slammed into that random spoon in the pot plant? Okay, I'll refresh it for you... Boy 1 had lost his tooth, this is, ooh, back about four years ago. Tooth fairy phone call request put following formal procedure. Next morning... *shock, horror* tooth still under pillow NO CASH. Whoopsie. Cue quick response team. I call toothy (we are on a first name basis, oh and the phone is a hot pink Barbie phone left by Santa we think, was found at our shop, never claimed and then, surprise surprise, I was mucking around with it and found it was a TOOTH FAIRY HOTLINE PHONE!), she answers. Clearly from the cursing and tone, suffering a gigantic fairy headache! The story screamed down the line was like this. Foggy night, toothy knocking back some morning dew to keep warm, went a little overboard and was feeling a tad off her game, flies in about to head inside, hits spoon someone left in potplant near front door (another story, but something to do with a large party at Madmother mansion), ricochets backwards dropping coin on front step, flies off mumbling dire threats about stoopid humans and tooth addiction... WITHOUT TOOTH RETRIEVAL!  She was not happy and told me to keep the money and shove it where the sun don't... Ah, well. Suffice to say not a happy fairy.

• Then there is of course Eldred. As this is a recent post (read: one Madmother can link easily), I'll let you look at it yourself if you so wish.

• The magic monster eating dogs. If you've headed over to Martyr-hood's post, you'll see a mention of monster spray. Now, I don't know of any mother who is not aware of monster spray. But sometimes those damn beasts are a little harder to banish. Well, we have a secret weapon. Monster-eating dogs. Yep, fully certified, monster mashing approved, monster rip-'em-up, chew 'em down, digest-'em-well, eating canines. So no big monsters ever made it in our house, and the few pesky teeny ones, well of course they got *poofed* by the spray quick smart. Pretty good secret weapon in the monster removal stakes, let me tell you. Small issue in re-training not to aggravate royal dragons and teaching them the difference between monsters and other magical visitors, but hey, what's a few scales between friends?

Okay, am running out of time so this will be all of the tall tales for today. And as it is a Friday I'm hoping to link this to a FlogYo Blog list... somewhere, somehow. No bullshitification.

Come back to add... found FYBF - see link above. Being hosted by Glowless atm. Oh, and the Tork awards? I tied for second with the great Mumstrosity. Just lettin' ya know. Cheers.