Blog Gems

I don't know if you lot know of Blog Gems.

How many posts do you have languishing in your archives? Great posts that will never be dusted off and brought out to breathe again! Maybe you created fabulous content before you had lots of followers, or maybe you have been blogging for years and your current followers haven't seen your older material.

Blog Gems - Air Your Archives is a forthnighly linky list where we will give a prompt and you select a post from your archives that fits the prompt.
 Some of the more observant of you will notice that the link under the name and the link in the button are different. That is because a group of the creator's blogworld friends are helping her out by hosting the fortnightly hop. You see Jen's little man, HRH, has just been diagnosed with a serious condition, add in the fact he is on the spectrum (just like my gorgeous Boy 1) and life is a little difficult for the HRH family at the moment.

So, go to Mommy To Two Boys and join up to the blog hop; this one is a call out for some fun or fluff or just downright silliness. Something to help loosen the stranglehold of worry around the HRH household. And maybe stop by Jen's blog to add a little blog love? I know I can count on you lot.

And for those of us who still have a sense of the ridiculous on this ASD rollercoaster - here's one just for you. Please don't click if you don't find the funny side in some of the darkness, you will be offended.

April Fools!

Now, those of you with kids will have suffered through numerous lame April fool pranks this morning I am sure. We did. Over the years have even managed to pull a few of my own.

Like the time myself and Boy 2 plus one of his mates managed to convince Big Boy, Boy 1 and a few other kids that I had slipped and broken my leg. They were not too happy about that one. Guess I wouldn't have been either to be honest.

Or the one I pulled on the management team of a large insurance organisation I worked for. I had wangled a lovely redundancy deal months prior, and my last day was to be, you guessed it: April 1st. Had my tickets booked, my bags packed, passport and YHA membership all organised. And THEN had to endure endless months of jokes about me coming in all set to go and being told it was all an elaborate April Fool's prank!

Yeah, funny guys, but wearing a bit thin after all these months...

But I got my own back. I had been delegated the massive task of designing a complex spreadsheet system to combine the annual reports of the many subsidiaries into the Group report. Months of work (hence my power in wheedling a redundancy - they needed me to finish this), very complicated, lots of macros, links, tangled webs. I had a partner in crime. I had to, for I was not there to deal with the fallout, and to present the punch line.

I set up a dummy system. It was identical to the real system, in all but one way. When it was opened it gradually, one by one, deleted all thirty two of the worksheets.

April 1st, 1992. Go to office, complete final redundancy paperwork. At pub by 11.30am. Awaiting the fallout.

It wasn't a long wait. By noon the whole section was in attendance as my former boss, now somewhat recovered, threatened to kill me if I ever pulled a stunt like that again. The details? You want details? Well the story goes like this. He opened the file, my accomplice was standing beside him. As each screen flashed up, and each row vanished he became paler and paler. Sweat started to run in rivlets down his face as he frantically pressed random keys, attempted to turn it off, muttered curses and pleas for help under his breath.

The grand finale as the last screen vanished from view?

"YOU HAVE BEEN DELETED."

Won't forget me now, will ya?

prints in huge letters across the screen. A pause. Let it sink in. Then it too vanishes.

To be replaced by:

 Not really. April fool.

But you really won't forget me...

Real file is saved under *******.

The whole office was in uproar. It was still being talked about a year later upon my return to Australia. My boss stopped shaking after a few drinks at the pub, but he kept glancing my way and shaking his head in disbelief the whole night.

But what about you? I want to hear of some of the funnier jokes you have had success with. Who was it on? How did you manage to pull it off? Either tell your tale in a comment, or blog it and add the link in the comment. But spill, come on...

You Just Have to Read this:

Sent from a good friend via e-mail, I laughed so much I nearly wet myself.

Though, maybe it is just my warped sense of humour...

WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T TAKE MEN SHOPPING

After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target.



Dear Mrs. Hudson,


Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behaviour and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr J.Hudson are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.


1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.


2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.


3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women’s restroom.


4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares, get on it right away! This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money.


5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on lay-by.


6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.


7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'why can't you people just leave me alone?’ Police were called.


9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.


10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.


11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.


12. October 6: in the auto department, he practiced his ‘Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.


13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled ‘PICK ME! PICK ME!'


14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a foetal position and screamed ‘OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'


And last, but not least:


15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.


One of the clerks passed out.

Just had to share!
 
 
 
 
 
 

A Little Laughter for Melissa.

One of my friends needs a little laughter in her life. This is for her.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing, they just waved.

What do you call a dog with no hind legs and steel testicles?

"Sparky"

What do you call a man who has lost 99% of his brain?

A widower.

How do you make a handkerchief dance?

Put a little boogie in it.

What do you call a guy who sticks his right arm in a shark's mouth?

Lefty!

How does a high school boy propose marriage?

"You're having a what?!?"

Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?

He sold his soul to Santa!

How are a chicken and a grape alike?

They are both purple... except for the chicken.

Yes, they are bad and sad, and hopefully made you giggle. Just a little.