Thursday, February 18, 2010

Snot, nits and boobs...

What more could you ask for? Okay, okay, I'll clarify a bit. The snot bit you would have worked out from my last post. Boy 2 is home from school with same lurgy. Mothers don't even get to be sick alone.


To top this off a note came home yesterday from his class about another nit infestation. Straight out of the shower (him, not me) I grab the nit comb and start checking. Hundreds of eggs and a lot of nits! Hell, I check these kids every Friday morning nit alert, or no nit alert. In between if they complain of any itching. Just how fast can these little beasts do the deed?

For over an hour I sat in my underwear, painstakingly combing out these little parasites. The end in sight, I manage to drop a lone nit egg on my boob and in my hurry to grab it before it rolled into the nether regions, I gouged a huge hole in my right breast Yep, boobed the boob. If anyone had looked in my bedroom door at that moment they would have seen a fat, almost naked chick with blood running down one tit, sitting like buddha, cursing like a banshee and knicker clad Boy 2 doubled over in fits of laughter, tissues sticking out like a white feather collar all around his neck. Not a family portrait moment by any stretch of the imagination (more like a pornographic funniest home videos shot).

Now I am still sitting here semi-naked, the only change is the blood crusted tissue now stuck to my bazooka. This is not a good start to the day. Would you bloggers out there please take pity on me in my misery and start churning out posts, preferably funny ones. Right now, really could use the laugh.



*Sigh*, only in the Madmother household.





14 comments:

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

Oh, bloody hell! Nits are just the ultimate nightmare aren't they? I've been doing the every-second-day conditioner and combing - and bombing them in-between and they're still breeding like, well, nits really {rabbits are envious of these little blighters!}

Kellyansapansa said...

OMG - you just made me snort water out of my nose in the middle of the office. You poor thing, what a dreadful morning!

Melissa said...

Am having a sh!t of a day, but this did make me laugh.

Not *at* you, of course!

Niki said...

oh no you've got me scratching now hehe. Poor you! They're hard little buggers to squash too!

Thea said...

My head is itchy!

Jen said...

Oh no! not nits! I have been pretending they didnt exist so far this year! I better do a check tonight. LOL at your mayhem, and in a place where a bandaid wont stick too :p

Vicki said...

it takes talent to combine nits snot and boobs into a single blog.

Karls said...

Nits suck arse! Although you should be gratetful you don't have mass amounts of nipple hair... or that the nits are of the vag variety!

Madmother said...

Vicki - you forgot to add the gore bit... you know, the blood. Real talent, not...

Melissa said...

How have we gone through 2 and a bit years of primary school, and 3 years of daycare and never a single egg?

Heather said...

oh no! I hope your boob recovers. But the idea of it going into your nether region, eww! I feel all itchy just thing about it!

Kakka said...

OMG - I don't think I have laughed this much in ages. I can just see it happening to me when my kids were young, there but for the grace of God - or so they say. I think I will be chuckling for the rest of the night.

Kakka said...

Oh and just tell anyone who asks that Big Boy got a little too amorous, or blush and say well some things need to stay in the bedroom. xxx

Aussie-waffler said...

I know I should not laugh at anothers misfortune (especially not when the 'another' can find me in the school grounds and give me a whack over the head with a rolled up newspaper) but I did giggle at the picture you just created. Hope the boob is better and the nits are all gone.