D-Day has Arrived...

... and we are organised, and ready to run. A small group of Mums has organised the trivia and auction fundraiser for our school. Four of us, with myself at the helm, have been running around begging and pleading for donations, wrapping prizes, organising advertising, the venue, the mc, seating, collecting money, drinking wine, laughing and much more. We sold out a week ago. It just shows you with the right mix of positive people you can achieve so much, and avoid the politics, bitching and bagging. It is not about accolades, it IS about helping our children! And drinking wine, laughing and having fun with a great bunch of women.

I think all bases have been covered. The prizes are incredible, the auction items worth thousands, just have to hope people come with deep pockets filled to the brim!

Tally Ho - off we go now!

Lurgy attack, but still bouncing!

Imagination gallops; judgement merely walks.

It has hit, I officially have the dreaded lurgy, or flu as most would call it. But even with feeling exceptionally ill, I still have an underlying emotion of happiness and emotional well-being. The actions of others are no longer clouding my life - I have finally learnt to let things go. Is this a permanent state of mind? I truly have no idea, I certainly hope so.

I am not sure of the reason, it may have been the constant comments by a friend about only being able to control our actions not the actions of others. It could have been the reassurances by many that I have not done wrong, or it could be that I have finally accepted that I cannot fix the jealousy or possessiveness of an unhinged mind, or bear the guilt felt by others. Maybe it is down to being ill and waking up with fevers at ungodly hours allowing me to mull over my own words and deeds and to resolve any self-doubt or recrimination. Whatever it is, I feel unshackled and free, and most of all happy.

And when I see those who scowl, or glare at me with hatred, I just smile and say hello.

Not again!

My two had nightmares last night. Which of course meant they both ended up in my bed and I slept on the lounge - if you can call it sleep. Now I have awoken from my dozing with a sore, raw throat, swollen glands, a headache and feeling nauseous. Oh, I pray this is merely the result of a restless night, little sleep and a lumpy couch! I do not have time this week for being ill. I am, with a bunch of friends, co-ordinating our trivia night fundraiser for our school and it is on THIS SATURDAY EVENING! I cannot be sick, I will not allow myself to be sick, oh please, please, do not let me be ill this week, not THIS week!

Life is good.

The weather has been glorious up here. Balmy days, though the nights still chill. It is hard to be glum when the sun is shining so beautifully. The photo is from one of my early morning risings after a lovely person reminded me how blessed we are to witness such glory (thanks Ange). I feel lifted, free and happy. Close friends and new friends, I am very lucky to be around so many uplifting, unneurotic, fun people. People that remind me I am loved.

Ah, life is blissful.

Sleep deprivation and the torture inflicted by children.

I understand why sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture. I go to sleep exhausted, wake up exhausted. Thought patterns are jumbled, my mind is shrouded in an eternal fog, I cannot make decisions. I am regressing back to the days of babies when lack of sleep was an accepted part of life, but I am a decade older and unable to cope the way I once did. It is not a situation which can be easily remedied. The issue is once I am awakened I cannot resume sleeping. And the reason I am being awoken is not anyone's fault. Son number one has started along the nightmare track again.

Sleep issues go hand in hand with Autism Spectrum Disorder. Earlier this year his anxiety had increased to a level where he was anticipating nightmares and was terrified to fall asleep. After a 4am night, or is that morning, we finally succumbed to medication. A natural over the counter remedy, but medication just the same. It worked, brilliantly. For quite a while. But I am wondering if the effectiveness is wearing off, as for the last few weeks these nightmares have taken hold again. We have ceased any games which although they appear harmless, may have instigated this series of night terrors. Television programmes, movies and reading material are all closely monitored. There does not appear to be a trigger, he is not stressed as far as we know (and it's anyones guess what is going on in the hidden depths of his complex brain). But as he comes and sleeps in my bed after one of these hit... well, you can see where my sleeping problems are arising.

Thank goodness we are off to his psych appointment this week, might just be my sanity he saves yet again.

Life, amusement and the general rolling on of just being...

Life rolls on. All has settled down in our world other than swine flu in the school, manicness in the co-ordinating of the school trivia night (whose smart idea was it to volunteer for that role?), and the general fast pace of life.

Someone said to me when all the drama hit (and the betrayal of someone you had considered a friend for 5 years does hit hard no matter how old you are), "You cannot control the actions of others." She did not mention anything about not being amused by those actions, however.

I am observing a situation which greatly tickles my funny bone. The former friend turned stalker is now cosying up to people she formerly loathed in the hope of winning some insane, all in her head, popularity competition. These are women she has ranted about, especially one who she has called a skank, a whore, and a slut based on witnessing a harmless flirting session many years back at her son's soccer training. She has also hates both their children, and calls them names I will not repeat.

I should be ashamed that I am finding this so hilarious. I should, at my age, be more mature about it. It is all so high school. But it has been made all the more interesting by her progressing to badmouthing others she still supposedly calls friends. I am not the only one she is targeting, now others are watching, shaking their heads as they realise what a little dog she really is. You have to laugh, it is so obvious, and her actions are truly funny. Wonder what these acquaintances would think if the MULTITUDE of people she has slandered these women to (and it is a lot of people) were to let out her true opinions?

I don't intend to, and I hope no-one else does. It would spoil the fun, and a good giggle is so healthy! I know I should feel pity for someone with such a screwed up mind, but surely laughter is better than anger. And I feel so free without this emotional cesspool in my life! Woohoo, bring on the show! Sorry, bit carried away for a minute there...

A night out!

I am off on a girls' night for a good friend's birthday. Normally I'd be jumping for joy, but there are a couple of complications this time.

Complication one: I have not been well the last couple of days. Not really sick, just not well. Aching bones, lethargic, headachy, nauseous. As the flu is rampant up here at the moment I suspected it may progress into temps and feeling worse, but it has not. So I will polish meself up and smile and chatter, and try to keep up but I suspect I may not last too long.

Complication two: I was the designated driver, and going to get everyone home, but as I know I will want to leave earlier than the die hards it will upset some.

Complication three: the *stalker*. She is a fringe-dweller in this group, and apparently knows of this night out. I had told others that it was not an issue for me as long as she was civil, polite, etc, and I would even drive her home. It was the birthday girl's decision NOT to invite her, as she would not be comfortable with the tension. I can understand why, she doesn't really consider this person a friend, and was worried that this person would not be adult enough to get over herself and talk to me. But I know I will be blamed for this. I will be the one excluding her, because in her strange little mind, I am the one at fault here. Even though I wanted to talk and clear the air, and I was not the one obsessed, I am responsible for all her problems! And I think as I am not 100% it is getting to me more than it has for the last couple of weeks.

Would dearly love to rug up and sit at home in front of a roaring fire.