Generation of The Dead

Perkin's Paste. The ultrasound gel reeks of Perkin's Paste and instead of lying in a clinical and cold room being pummelled and poked, I am transported back to my childhood classroom.

And then quickly flung back into reality by a command to roll onto my side. I comment on the smell memory.

"A lot of people are telling me that!"

She is gentle and friendly chatting away whilst sending these signals to view my insides.

The thought comes to me as I lay there wondering what is appearing on her screen...

Is this how they felt? Is this how my roll call of dead friends thought whilst awaiting this prodding procedure to finish? Reassuring themselves that all would be well and it was mere paranoia sending the chill of unease to their very marrow?

I can no longer can ask them, can I? For they are gone. A roll call of people passed too soon, children motherless, fatherless, spouses lonely. so very, very many.

Are we a generation who by our very way of living have condemned ourselves to disease, death, illness, loss?

What have we done to ourselves?

A generation full of health issues, obesity, early demise...

Is this us?

Wordless Wednesday - And we ALL fall down...

Not a Good Day.

At the moment my health sucks. Seriously. Am having tests for all sorts of stuff, but I do suspect the dreaded big M is lurking behind all of the things going on. Yes, that we shall not speak of, *menopause*.

Even more concerning is Wise Woman's health. She is having major back pain, and is unstable on her feet. She has been bending too much and has pushed her physical boundaries. The worry is that last time this happened she suffered another spontaneous fracture of her vertebrae. I do not think at nearly 91 she could tolerate the intense pain this brings. The last one nearly took her life and it was two years ago. Makes my issues seem trivial.

And our employee has rung in sick... So the meeting at the school we had organised for Boy 1, and the fact that I was meant to work today are all out the window.

Not a good start so far...

Wordless Wednesday - Blurgh...

No, No, NO!

I think my body is allergic to fitness. If any of you have looked at my new blog, you would know that this weekend I return to boxercise after nearly a 12 month break. My first step to getting my derby on!

So of course, how do I feel when I awaken this morning? I think you may have some idea from the photo. Was it the drenching I received dropping Boy 1 at drama Tuesday night? Or standing in the drizzle yesterday vainly attempting to shield my little friend (still waiting on further news, hoping all is well and he is home recovering. Think a Mad magazine delivery is in order as soon as he is home)? Or was it kissing and cuddling Boy 2 who has been coughing and snuffling this week, not sick but not well? I'll find out how he is when he wakes because school was doubtful for today.

But even more concerning is that I have an extremely important dinner to attend on Saturday night. One which has been in the planning stages for many moons and is finally coming to fruition! I am meeting a group of internet buddies, most for the first time. I have to fight this off, I simply cannot attend looking like an escapee from swine flu camp. Besides, I am one of those odd people who do not believe in spreading the germ love and keep away from all and sundry if ill.

No, NO, NO! I absolutely, positively refuse to succumb even if I have to sweat it out drop by drop. This cold/flu/virus will not have its way, I am going to the ball! At least, I hope I will be. *sob*

Lurgy attack, but still bouncing!

Imagination gallops; judgement merely walks.

It has hit, I officially have the dreaded lurgy, or flu as most would call it. But even with feeling exceptionally ill, I still have an underlying emotion of happiness and emotional well-being. The actions of others are no longer clouding my life - I have finally learnt to let things go. Is this a permanent state of mind? I truly have no idea, I certainly hope so.

I am not sure of the reason, it may have been the constant comments by a friend about only being able to control our actions not the actions of others. It could have been the reassurances by many that I have not done wrong, or it could be that I have finally accepted that I cannot fix the jealousy or possessiveness of an unhinged mind, or bear the guilt felt by others. Maybe it is down to being ill and waking up with fevers at ungodly hours allowing me to mull over my own words and deeds and to resolve any self-doubt or recrimination. Whatever it is, I feel unshackled and free, and most of all happy.

And when I see those who scowl, or glare at me with hatred, I just smile and say hello.