Why?

Sitting here at 4am in the morning. It is hot - 24 degrees at this early hour, in the midst of a torrential storm downpour, atop our mountain... rare. I have my youngest in my bed, my restless sleeper. With the blackouts (power on, power off, power on, power off), a rogue spa which makes a high pitched squeal as every power outage bizarrely switches it on, and the heat, I have slept little.

My post of yesterday brought a leap in my stats, and yet no-one commented. It was linked by a few wonderful friends on facebook and other sites, and yet... no-one commented. I put myself out there, open the rawness afresh, try to help in some small way... and no-one responds.

I am in the midst of a self-pity week. My health is sucky (yes, am onto it), my life is still stressful (as it will be for a while yet), and my husband is heading away for a few well-desrved nights fishing with the boys and I will be alone. Normally not an issue, but when my usual zing has pinged, I am dreading it.

I have been reading posts. And looking at blog lists. Lists I was once on, and yet seem to have dropped from?

I am not commenting much at all. I read blogs and go to comment, then stop, disregard, figure "why bother, my opinion is not needed, I am not relevant in the scheme of things anymore."

Gradually I am looking at less, following fewer, pulling more and more into my blog self.

Everyone, no matter how big or small, how cool or not, needs to feel valued.

And right now I don't.

So, smaller and smaller I curl. Until one day I will be invisible. Or am I already? And I ponder, do I bother to post or just delete? And does it matter either way?