Saturday, February 25, 2012

Kathy Lette, Asperger Syndrome and my New Girl Crush...

Yes, back after my early morning brain fart moment. Slowly crawling out of sooky la-la land back to my normal snark world.


I WAS going to write a really heartfelt review of the article in this month’s Australian Women’s Weekly about Kathy Lette and her son, but instead I am going to write something far more appropriate considering the target of my latest stalking obsession girl-crush.

Seven Reasons Why Kathy Lette Should Really Pick Me as her New BFF:

  1. And this is indeed Number One! I not only have an intravenous drip to a bourbon bag, I also at numerous times have been hooked up to wine, liquers, port and even, under really strained circumstances, the odd cocktail. But here is the heart of the reason you need me Kat... the real why of this point. Hell girlfriend, ain't anyone ever told you that GIN and VODKA are depressants? The last paragraph of her interview mentions gin is her lifeline of choice. Do you really think you need something that aids the darkness? Like fuck you do! Alcohol is your therapy, remember the ASD Mummas' code: wine for the whine. Man, whomever was keeping this bestie spot warm for me seriously fell down on the job. Kathy, you NEED me. You know it.
  2. We are on the same page with those ASD dilemmas. So much so that if I didn't know better I'd swear you've been reading my written works all these long years. In fact, reading your interview was a little worrying, as many of the examples, phrases, attitudes and expressions were uncannily similar to much I have vomited purged articulated in my blog, on parenting sites, and in published pieces. Okay, one published piece. Well... one internet competition published entry if you want to be specific. But a person of lesser self confidence could be threatened by this apparent coincidence. I am not. It just shows to me how well we fit as besties, m'kay? And who would ever accuse their No. 1 girlfriend of plagiarism anyway. That would just be nasty.
  3. Puberty Blues. Whilst you may have been referring to some south Sydney beach culture, my youth on the Mid North Coast of NSW was eerily similar. Hey, I have been in the front of a shaggin' wagon only to overhear my bestie and her paramour discussing "is it in yet?" Gag. Also, the term "going slops" was not an unheard expression echoing from the sandhills at those random beach parties. And I usually was the one defending, dragging away, fighting for those who did not have the self-respect to say no. Not even going to mention the brawl at the 24 hour servo on the night of my 21st which started from my guns-blazing, white-horse charging, heroine to the rescue bravado, okay? But believe me, those puberty novel years? I lived it. 
  4. Photo opportunities and the great publicity machine! We look good together, need I say more? Oh... I do? We both have that certain something, call it chutzpah or spunk, passion or fire. Man, we are so hot from the inside out, it sizzles! Just check out this photo - it works, don't you think? You may have more polish and style, but I bring a certain something to the table too. And I can honestly say without a doubt, in a battle of wits and one-liners I am more than capable of holding my own. Especially after being hooked up to the lifeline for a bit (refer reason 1).
  5. Handbag, Kathy, Madmother
  6. Age. Not much separating us here my lovely. You are a 1958 chick, I'm a 1963 babe. Both baby boomers, both holding those years well. Refer photo above. What better for a bestie, than someone who gets the jokes, remembers the culture, can relate on the same wave-length. And why would you want someone NOT of our generation, who you waste much time in lengthy explanation to. Becomes very tedious. Whereas moi - well, I have no doubt that frequent hilarity will be had from merely a look, no words necessary when you are on the same wavelength!
  7. We share a love of our rainbow swirl sons! Boy 1 wrote this when he was 7. Screw Black & White - only looks good on zebras. Or me. Actually black and white really suits me... as does red. But my son is technicolour, even though his opinions may be black and white - HE is not. And apparently neither is yours, Kat. In fact, he sounds very much similar to Boy 1 and I do think as you and I are heading into this bestie thing, your boy should seriously, as the older, 21, think about mentoring my younger man. Just as Boy 1 does for those younger than he. All together now - AWWWWWW. Bucket please.
  8. 
    2010 - Madmother Derby Dame
    
  9. Roller Derby. Who doesn't want a roller derby chick as their bestie? Come ON! Great street cred, whole new cache of story ideas, and I can madmother splat any other stalkers crazies. Sorta like a bodyguard and bestie all rolled into one (get it... rolled? Bahahaha. Okay. Not funny. Little too desperate maybe?). And don't tell me you never picked wheels over heels back in the 70's, K. We both know better! Oh, and I can even sub as a waitress for dinner parties and the like! Cool, huh?

    I was going to continue, but as this post is getting pretty damn long I'll stop here. Because we both know this is inevitable, eh K? I could use same lamo terms like two peas in a pod, or sister's under the skin, but that would be tragic.
    And that, I am not... merely a

5 comments:

Jen R said...

Pure gold!!

Anonymous said...

One of your best, old friend!

Maxabella said...

Loved this post, MM. You and Kathy Lette would absolutely be BFFs (but then, she might not like having the competition!!!) x

Leanne said...

LOL

Carole said...

I was wondering whether you would be happy to put up a link in my brand new monthly series called “Books You Love”. The idea is for people to link up posts about a book they loved – it doesn’t have to be one they just posted about. It could be an old fave. I am hoping we will end up with a nice collection of books that can go on our reading lists. Here is the link Books You Loved May Edition