On a Bad Day A Little Light Mirth - Write On Wednesday

Day 2:
"I can't stress how important it is that we behead this fiend."
"Christ Johno, it's just the foil of a condom wrapper. And you know on these shoots we always use clear skins, they film so much more like unadorned flesh."
Shelley shuddered on the sidelines, awaiting her turn before the camera. When John had asked her to be part of this project she thought it was finally a sign he wanted more committment, that random hooking up would be a thing of the past and finally they would come out into the public arena as a couple.
 
He soon burst that bubble. A porn film, of all things this project had to be a porn film. She shivered again, nerves surfacing and unable to shake the feeling that this could be the biggest mistake in all her nineteen years experience. Not that she didn't like sex, hell, it was the finest skill she possessed, and she'd thought she'd trap him into feeling with a frenzy of ultimate wet-dream sexual encounters. How could he resist her big blue eyes gazing adoringly upwards as she sucked him off? Hah, yeah, right. It was that very talent that had apparently convinced him she would be perfect for this role, a means to pay off his HECS fees, and as he had convinced her, hers.
 
Behead this fiend, she thought, I'd like to behead his throbbing fiend alright. I'll give him a free circumcision without the anaesthetic for getting me to agree to this. Knew these braces would be handy for something.

Blog This Challenge 69 - Million Dollar Riff... And Then Some

Blog This Challenge 69:

What would you do if you won the big one. Not one million, or even two million, but a division one prize of 52 million dollars? Would you go public, remain anonymous, use it for good of others, or on family only? If all your financial issues were swept away, what would you do with the rest?

You'd think if I set a topic I'd have some idea of the entry, wouldn't you? Ah, well, no. And to make it worse who else but me would end up with this challenge number? Crikey. What a wedger, as we used to say in my rurally misspent youth. Anyhow, back to the topic at hand. I chose this one because the little newsagency we frequent near work sold one of the winning two tickets in the 52 million dollar jackpot last year. And to think I didn't go down to grab my usual quickpick 'cause I was running late for school pickup. Hell, I may never have had to do school pickup again... I'd just send James the Chauffeur along with Ingrid the Au Pair to do it! Damn, blast and crap. Ah well, on with my entry for Challenge 69....

Million Dollar Riff

Dear friends and certain family members,
I am saddened to inform you we have absconded from this mundane life. Recently our little family of four humans, two dogs, two cats, one cockatiel and several tropical fish won the big one. Yes, that cool $52 million anonymous winner was us. We just didn't want anyone to know. Especially you cousin Errol, you did your dash when blackmailing your eighty-something year old mother into signing blank cheques for your worthless arse to visit her in the nursing home. Oh, and old friend Sue, you may love Versace and Guess but indulging your champagne tastes whilst the power is cut off is not on. So GUESS what? You ain't getting none either.

We have allocated various amounts to worthy people we care about, your burden will be eased. Those of you will already have received the documentation in the mail. Yes, that anonymous windfall was from us. Only you know who you are and it is a legal requirement that you remain quiet or else the payment ceases. Immediately.This trust fund will divest the annuities on a regular basis for the next ten years, so plan well and enjoy life a little more. We have watched you work damn hard and struggle in these hard economic times, same as we did. You deserve this, believe me, and we are so happy to be able to share a little of our good luck.

As for the other $42 million, not that it is anyone's business, but this is where it has gone:

• $10 million bursary to support ASD children within a mainstream environment. Aimed at children aged 6 and over. To help the limbo kids - those struggling with little support, and yet unable to access special schools or public funding.
• $1 million to various charities including Animal Welfare League, Canteen, Lifeline.
• Debt payoff - $1 million.
• $5 million to fund in home care support for the aged, Wise Woman would have loved this.

What are we up to? $26 million down? Ah, yes, halfway.

• We blew $7 million on a private island paradise, think Nekker but better. Eat your heart out Richard Branson.

• Another $1 million on a yacht. Big Boy always wanted one of these.

• Invested wisely $10 million to keep an income coming in.
• Used $2 million for tax advice and avoidance.
• $7 million to play with as we feel the urge.

Do not attempt to find us, we have made sure our trail cannot be followed. Our financiers have been paid in advance to manage the trusts and bursaries, feel free to lodge all complaints and pleas for hand outs to
don'tgiveashit@richbitchmadmother.com.

Just don't expect a prompt response. Or any, to be honest.

Have a nice life.

Yours invisibly,

P.S. Another round of cocktails please Jeebs. Oh, and rub some more lotion into my shoulders would you Simon... Yes, he is the cabana boy.

Muse Wars: Start of a New Era

Originally started by Melissa @ The Things I'd Tell You, the Muse Wars were so named in the second challenge by Madmother (moi), and continued through to around ten challenges. Then stopped, frozen in time.

I am now dubbing the new era of short story photo challenges as:

 Muse Wars: The Linky Era

Rules:

•  Anyone can join in, you just need to write a story as your interpretation of the photo in 500  - 1000 words. Can be of any genre - let your mind fly free.
• McLinky closes within 48 hours of challenge opening.
• First to link sets new photo for next challenge. Or can pass it on to next on list but MUST be passed within 24 hours of previous challenge closing.
• Next challenge must be set within seven days of completion of previous challenge.
• Post the code on your blog for all to see - and include the rules!

Challenge 1 MWTLE Inspiration Photo:

Ready, set, go for it...

 
 
 

Muse Wars? So Where The Bloody Hell Are Ya?

Have some time, definitely have the motivation, anyone else up for it?

Hmmmm?

Whaddya reckon?

Come ON!

P.S. Search for Muse Wars here on my blog and you'll get the idea, just in case you have no idea what I am talking about, lol.

Dilemmas, dilemmas...

A very quick one as it is a glorious day and we are off on an adventure!

I am debating whether to swap to a domain name, ie a .com instead of blogspot.com, but am wondering how to manage all four blogs. I guess you can create separate pages in the domain to host each one? But how is it transferred over?

And since Lori mentioned it, do you keep your comments upon changeover?

Oh, and what is going on with Blog This? If you say you are going to announce the winners of a challenge then please do it! Four days later, new challenge started and no winners from the last one? Always seems to happen when I'm in the top few. Starting to feel like a tall poppy, and remembering why I stopped entering. Challenges are meant to make you feel good, not bad.

*Sigh* Yes, it does make me snarky.

Challenge 8 - Muse Wars short story competition/inspiration.

Originally started by Melissa @ The Things I'd Tell You, the Muse Wars continued with the 2nd challenge set by Tanya(me) @ Meaninless Meandering From a Madmother (and was also named Muse Wars at this stage also by moi), the 3rd by Kakka @ Menopausal Mumma, the 4th challenge by Lori @ Random Ramblings of a SAHM, the 5th challenge by Gemma @ sometimes you just need to vent, 6th challenge @ Menopausal Mumma, Challenge 7 by Lori @ Random Ramblings of a SAHM, and Challenge 8... well obviously me again! Whoever links first will pick Challenge 9.



Are you up for it? Anyone can join in, you just need to write a story as your interpretation of the photo in around 500 words (although this limit was removed by Melissa in the first challenge so it is merely a suggestion).





And now for something a little different to get those creative juices flowing:

Muse Wars 5: Storm in a B-Cup.

"Hail thee Bethsheba, Goddess of Purity and Light. Glorify my night skies, reap my bountiful beauty, take me to the inner sanctum of thine holiness. Protect me from the rath of Delimar, God of Darkness and Sin. Let him not taint my sacred right, my virgin choice to walk the path of self-sacrifice. Blessed be thee who protects the female holy chalice of abstainance. Blessed be thee who casts the clouds and shadows away. Blessed be thee who lights my way."

The power pulsed and throbbed within her as the sky danced in terror. She was sure she could hear a growl of frustration echoing in the rumbling roar of wind and thunder.The demon God Delimar was not happy with this unexpected turn of things. He did not like being thwarted by a mere mortal, even one whose family encompassed the pagan cult of Bathynderin and had done for thirteen generations. Kali allowed the blood of her elders to quicken its flow through her veins, driven by her racing heart. She was the thirteenth child of the thirteenth child of the thirteenth generation. Twelve times had this been cast before, twelve times had the thirteenth daughter stood here and cast her chant to the billowing wind and wild skies. Each time a life partner had been sent to perpetuate the cycle, the forever men revealed to them in passion on a tempetuous eve.

Kali knew it was written in the prodigy book that she would be the one. That the power of the bloods would blend and produce one divine chosen vessel for the Goddess to reveal her Earthly visage to. The thirteenth of the thirteenth of the thirteenth generation. Delimar once again snarled his displeasure.

"Oh Bethsheba, Goddess of Purity and Light. Light my path.Cast back the darkness and allow me to see thee in thy chosen form. Anoint me as thy pre-ordained priestess, forever to stand by your side as your earthly guide. Illuminate the way to self-preservation and immortality. Defy the ties of hatred and darkness the wicked God Delimar yearns to bind you with. Send me the LIGHT!"

Upon this last proclamation an unearthly flash surrounded the thirteenth daughter of the thirteenth daughter in this the thirteenth generation of the pagan cult of Bathynderin. The heavens opened and the fields ran awash with cleansing rain. But of the chosen child there was no sign; nothing to show where she had stood arms outstretched only seconds before. Nothing  bar a pair of small smouldering half moons of metal inside a circle of the lightening scorched earth.

Steam arose in sibulant sulking protest as the downpour hit the burning, glowering heat of the halved rings, then the earth resonated once more with a menacing manifest:


"Stupid mortal. Just one more annoying little storm in a B-cup. Mwahahahahahahaha..."




Apologies, forgot explanation and links:
Original brainchild of Melissa, the now aptly named Muse Wars was to inspire anyone who was struggling with a missing muse to write again. Challenge is a picture is chosen, you have around 48 hours to write what it inspires, around the 500 word mark. Whoever adds their link first chooses next challenge.

This one was chosen by Gemma at Sometimes You Just Need to Vent.
 

Challenge 4 Muse Wars: The Things We Do For Love

Muse Wars

Challenge 4: Random Ramblings of SAHM

48 hours 500ish words - Let The Challenge Begin...

The loud blast of an angry car horn made Jenny leap, only the strong biting grab of her seat belt saving her from slamming her forehead on the steering wheel. With a muttered curse she continued her kerb crawl ignoring the louder and louder beeps behind her. They could all go to blazes, this mission was too important to rush. Struggling to peer into the garish glare of the seedy shopfronts, Jenny scanned each hooded teenager throroughly, slowly, intensely. Where the hell was Immie, and what on earth was her seventeen year old daughter doing sneaking out of their hotel in the dead of night? She could not believe that her normally sensible child had changed almost overnight under the influence of an on-line acquaintance. This new Immogen was an absolute stranger to her own Mother. The once sweet dark-haired beauty had been transformed into an angry, sweatshirt-clad, sullen punk. She had even tinted her glossy brown hair with some sort of murky purple dye, though Jenny supposed she should be grateful that there were no body piercings or tattoos to worry about. None that she could see anyway.

The kerbside crawl continued. Cars now weaved around her snail-pace vehicle, drivers screaming abuse as they flew past. She had no idea what she would do if she could not find Immie. She was in a strange land, with no friends or contacts to call on... well none she wanted to renew connection with if she had a choice.

A glimpse of a plum haired beauty under a darkened hood quickened her pulse. Is it? Craning forward, Jenny rolled down the window for a clearer look. Only then did she notice the grey-haired man holding her child in his suit-clad embrace. Dear God, he was so much older, even in her wildest imagining she had not expected this.

"Immogen!" Anxiety raised the pitch of her voice, shrilly splitting the underlying night murmers. The couple turned, dismay warring with relief as Immie recognised her mother. The companion merely sheepishly shrugged, appearing resigned and prepared for this confrontation. Her anger overrode concern, and Jenny thought she could easily kill right then. How could he act as if this was not a big deal, what sort of a person was she dealing with?

"Hi Mum." Her daughter's defiance resurfaced, shock receeding quickly. She pulled her reluctant companion over to the now stationery car. "Aren't you going to say hello to Dad?"

Shocked brown eyes met the bemused brown gaze of her former youthful indiscretion, thought long left behind in her agonised dash back to Australia.

Damn internet, once Immie knew her birth father's name she would not be deterred from this destructive path. The web made the world so bloody small sometimes.

"Hello Ari. Long time no see."

Challenge 2: Look Not In My Eyes for Fear

HER:
The icy cool of the smooth glass soothed her burning skin for a fleeting moment before the tabletop began to burn with a fire all of its own. It ignited the throbbing of her temple which seemed to echo right through the whole structure, creating a hypnotic drumbeat pounding down to her fingertips. Oh, how she ached to scrape her burnished black nails across the sleek surface but Teagan refused to break the aloof pose. She lay, forehead pressed to her distorted reflection, determined to hold him with her green-eyed gaze. She would not even blink, not whilst he was trapped. The pounding of her heart ecstatically joined the rhythmic chorus as the blood pulsating through her veins leapt to consummate this ancient dance. To the onlooker it appeared she dare not breathe, her very stillness the ties that bound him, frozen. It was a war only one would win.

HIM:
He sat, waiting, watching, willing her to break. Silently his dark eyes beseeched her: "Let me go, free me, give me the chance to dance once more in the sunlight..." Still she gave no mercy, showed no flicker of compassion for his pressing needs. He knew she would not grant him liberty, he could only pray for a fleeting chance to escape. Surely she could not stay encased and motionless forever, could she? Braedon allowed a shiver to break free to ease his fears. The sun would be setting soon and it would all be too late. Would no-one miss him? Was there no chance of reprieve? He swallowed the lump in his throat that threatened to choke him. He would not give her the satisfaction of breaking his pride, he knew it was part of what she craved. Control, domination, debasement. He knew he could not show any weakness, he had to keep his turbulent emotions repressed, hidden away from her piercing stare. With a deep bracing breath he looked through the long black lashes, his malt whiskey eyes tremulously meeting her emerald green glare.


THEM:
She stood, her dark tresses flowing forwards to frame her pale face. He started, too shaken by the sudden movement to try and escape, standing still imprisoned in her burning stare. He waited for the harsh chanted words that would destroy all hope. His breath came in fast shallow gasps, he wanted to cry.

She turned to him, her hand outstretched, her mouth began to move.

"Well, come on shrimp... you win, we'll go trick or treating now. Though I still think going out in the daylight sort of spoils the fun. But I guess you are allowed to be scared of the dark when you are six."  His heart leapt with joy... Who said big sisters were no fun?

Things I'd Tell You - Challenge 2 of the Muse Wars!

As the first to respond to Melissa's challenge I have been delegated the responsibility of the next. Same thing. A blog challenge to the writers amongst us - aspiring or professional.


Again, a pictorial challenge.Tell her story. You have 48 hours to tell us all about this female. SO blog people, whatever your muse or mind tells you to. First to report back with a link gets to pick the next pic or challenge.

Things I'd Tell You Challenge - Walking Away

Clack clack clackity clack... The staccato of her steps eerily echoed around the empty foyer as Claire nervously glanced over her shoulder. So far so good, no-one appeared to halt her purposeful progression to the door.

"Going somewhere?" She freezes like a rabbit in the high beam of a hunting ute. God no. She was so close to escape.

"George? You were sleeping so soundly I didn't want to wake you."  She summons forth her most dazzling smile, revealing her bleached pearly whites to their best effect.Turns to face her captor. "And after our late night," pauses lowering her lashes suggestively, seductively, "Well, I thought you could use some well-earnt rest."

"Ah, my sweet, but why the bag?"

"This? Oh, I'm just taking some of last season's purchases down to the consignment shop. It was your idea, remember?"

"You mean my cutting up your credit cards, and closing your accounts with the designer stores? Or the fact that I had the audacity to suggest you might like to look for employment?"

"Oh George, darling. I know you really didn't mean it, you were just angry with me for my silly splurge." Claire prettily pouted and leant forward to lightly run her peach pink fingernails through the tantalising tuft of chest hair peeking above his unbuttoned shirt. "And I thought we made up last night?" She allowed a becoming blush to shade her already heated cheeks. Pink was so her colour.

The pitiful yelp spoilt the effort as George tightly encased her hand halting movement. He pulled her close, enfolding her against his chest as with other arm he seized the suitcase she held within her grasp.

As he pinned her to him, he deftly opened the clasp on the luggage. Out tumbled the bright array of her new purchases, incriminating tags flashing the immeasurable cost of her addiction. The evidence of her lies flowed across the foyer floor like silken traitors. Claire cautiously raised her sullen gaze to George. Meeting his look of dismayed disgust she knew she had gambled and had lost.

"Oh Claire..."

Blog This: Challenge 34 HEY, YOU!

What would you tell yourself? Would you give advice? What advice would that be? Ask about your perception of the world? Give us an idea of who you think you were or who you think you'll be in the future...

Blog This: Challenge 34 If I met my Younger Self...

My late teens and twenties, even thirties were great. I worked hard and played harder. I had a lot of good friends and quite a few great ones. A few of those still hover in my life today (thanks Facebook).

But to the child I was in the 1970's I would say the following:

• 
  
  Don't sweat the small stuff, life will throw some really big stuff at you and the small stuff is so unimportant.
• 
  
  Tell your family, especially your sister, what they mean to you. The lesson you learn about how fleeting life is will come too late to amend this.
• 
  
  Fight for your dreams, they are worth it.
• 
  
  Enjoy being a child, being an adult is really hard.
• 
  
  The people who are worth it will always be so, the ones who treat you badly may well grow up to be wonderful people, so don't write them off forever either.
• 
  
  Be proud of who you are, you are an incredible person in your own right. 

That's it.

Do You Vote For Yourself?

Yes. it's that time again. Blog This Challenge 32: Comfort Food voting has opened and I have a question for you.

Come on, be honest! Do YOU vote for your own entry in challenges? I know it is not the done thing, certainly not considered politically correct and most people would deny it until blue in the face, but I do. Not all the time, but when one of my entries captures my heart (and we all have those favourites) like my Literary Whore, or, yes I will admit it, my Midnight Oil Eat It Out entry for this challenge,  I vote for ME!

I also am a competitive git, and as I said in one of my earlier posts, have this immense fear that when I go look at the poll a big fat zero will be there staring right back at me. We all crave acknowledgement or recognition, it is the nature of the beast. Once we have a taste of it, we want more.

The two challenges I have won, the first one I entered: Challenge 26 Quick Fix Meal and the most recent Challenge 31 My New Super Power, have given me an incredible emotional high and confidence boost. And once you have experienced this, well it is addictive.

You see I do not, like a lot of people who write or blog, truely believe in myself. I still find it incomprehensible that I have 58 followers! 58 people who want to see what I write, who find me entertaining enough to want to come back, who like my blog. I think it stems back (at least in my case) to the life change which comes with being a Mum. It is the most rewarding job on the planet BUT you also lose a piece of yourself, of your individuality. A lot of my self-worth was tied into my former working life. It is a situation where if you do a good job, you receive a pat on the back in the form of personal praise, a bonus system, or review. Motherhood rewards are not that clear cut, and usually come from sources who you know have strong personal ties to yourself. And so you lose that little bit of confidence in your ability. Winning these challenges gives you back a piece of that. Others who do not have a strong personal involvement have chosen to honour you and your entry by voting for you.



Get free graphics at blixy.com!

Anyway, enough of my self-analysis, what about you? Do YOU vote for yourself? Just sometimes, maybe? Come on, 'fess up... a bit of self-belief is nothing to be ashamed of.

Oh, and go read all the entires in Challenge 32, and vote for the one you like best. Every one of us who enter would appreciate it more than you could ever realise.

No undue pressure or emotionally charged persuasion from this end this time, but...

My new super-power or How Mummy Saved The World!

Blog This: Challenge 31

Imagine this, you wake up tomorrow and you have a new superpower.

What would you like it to be? How would it change your life?

Will it be moving at the speed of light?

Reading peoples' minds?

X-ray vision?

The first hint of my developing super power was revealed without pomp or ceremony in a letter from a seven year old boy.

You always save me from falling. Now, I can see you all pondering madly and hear the brain cogs sorting through the possibilities. "Can she fly", you ask yourself, "or is it the ability to be omnipresent whenever her child stumbles?" Endless ideas and scenarios are popping up, aren't they? Something like this, maybe?

Child clumsily tripping on cliff edge, screams as he falls arms flailing, Super Mum zooming through the air to heroically sweep her little man into her arms and off to safety, or maybe an icecream...  

Ah, no. But more on that later. I'll just give you a small word of warning, these powers just might not be what you expect them to be.

I bet you didn't know super powers lie within all of us. Yes - every single person in the world has them, most just don't realise it yet. These little powers can be lying quietly dormant, waiting patiently to spring forth when needed. They vary from individual to individual, and to be honest there are quite a few people out there that openly choose to ignore the power. They would rather go about life in a closed world, secure in ignorance, content to play it safe. And for them the need to use the powers just never seems to arise.

So... Do you want to know the simplest way to see them? Seriously, do you? Okay, I'll tell you just in case you haven't already worked it out for yourself.

Bend down slowly until you are eye to eye with your child. That's it... real close, nose to nose. See the reflection in their pupils? Look closely now. See?

Yeah, that's you. Your child's own personal super hero, who will nurture, love and support them. Fight to the death to protect them. And save them from falling.

As for my own little unveiler, when asked what those little words meant his reply granted me super strengths I had never even dreamt of:

"Mummy, you save me from falling sad, from falling mad, from falling down."

I walked away, ten foot tall, able to leap tall buildings, lift mountains and slay dragons without raising a drop of sweat. His own personal Super Mum.

And so that's my super power. My son's steadfast belief in me. A truly exceptional power unequalled in superdom.

This is my Blog This entry. Voting starts Friday 12th Feb. One vote per ISP. Go, see the other entries, read, comment and vote for your favourite.
Anyone can vote.

Blog This Challenge

Now, I didn't enter this one for several reasons.

1. I am staging my own one blogger protest. See here for details. And where the hell are you all? Come on, I cannot be the only frustrated Blog This member chomping at the bit?
2. I don't do the whole resolution bit. My theory is if you want to do something or make changes, just do it. No need to make a resolution to achieve it. Just more reason to stall methinks...
3. Too damn busy. 2010 is shaping up to be more manic than 2009. Guess Wise Woman 1 was spot on when she told me as a child that life speeds up more and more the older you get.
4. Mojo blojo still MIA to a certain extent so couldn't even fake this one, truth be told.

BUT, just because I didn't enter doesn't mean I haven't read the entries. Now comes the hard bit - working out which one to cast my one and only vote to.

So, this was the challenge:

Whether you love 'em or avoid them like the plague, the new year seems to have most people philosophical about what the year might hold for them. But hey, let's take a new look at this.

What are your Anti-Resolutions?

Lessons learned -never-to-be-repeated again things? Tell us about resolutions you've broken before, the ones you'd never make - Make a list of 5 resolutions you plan to break! Make resolutions for someone - a celebrity or politician if you like!

Ten members entered, ten blogs have I read. I find it very amusing that I can closely associate with so many of these entries. For example, one of my favourite bloggers, Caitlyn posted a list of ten anti-resolutions and I could relate to nearly every one of them. And all made me cack myself laughing.

 

I also jumped onto Being Me's Sunny Side Up. I too will sharply elbow anyone who deems it acceptable to try and steal my complementary crusty bread when out, and Boy 2 should deem himself blessed to have been allowed access to my precious matchbox cars! Oh, and never trust a friend to keep an eye on your drinking count, no friendship is that strong!

 

Found a new kindred spirit through this challenge too. Vicki at Ignore Reality captured my attention with her wit and sharp turn of phrase. The fact that she starts off this post with a Paul Kelly song helped. Dumb things - lordy, we are all guilty of those! And the whole dash and flash of her blog - pretty cool. Really relating to her Facebook comments, think Facebook is an online version of high school. And yet I am still a member, go figure?

 

Alliecat as usual makes me giggle. Just wondering where the carrots were though. There is always carrots! 

 

I tell you, I just seem to have these same life experiences as some. All entries were good, but a couple were more familiar than others. Now how the hell do I decide? How do I choose just one?

 

 

 

 

 

An Official Protest!

BLOG THIS

Where are the results of the last few challenges?

Specifically:

Challenge 27: Bookshelf 2009

Challenge 28 - Your hidden or unusual talent...

Challenge 29: Photographic Challenge "FESTIVE"

?????????????????????????

I posted a comment ages ago asking, please ask too!

It's been months and the curiousity is killing me

(and no, I didn't win, that I do know).