Monday, September 20, 2010

Revelations 101

It has been an interesting week to say the least. Had a lovely dinner out with a few of the girls which culminated in a conversation which I found intriguing at best, puzzling at worst. This lovely lady is someone I have known for a few years, but not well. We cross paths on a regular basis but have only really socialised a couple of times. You know, someone you know but don't know well... Somehow the chat swung around to her impression of me. All the usual stuff... strong, outspoken, a fighter/advocate/zealot... but then she throws in: wait for it,


Now I must admit this one puzzled me. Don't get me wrong, I am as flawed as the next person, and yes have my vulnerabilities and weak spots, but insecure? To me this represents self-doubt, a lack of confidence, uncertainty... not attributes I see as a big part of my character. Hell, I screw up - monumentally sometimes - but I usually acknowledge the stuff ups and will apologise when in the wrong. Hmmm, insecure, nope don't see it. Luckily the other couple of ladies know me very well, and basically disagreed with her perception of moi, so at least I am sure it is not something I am missing seeing within myself.

Then we went with friends to our little rural show the next day. Saw a lot of locals, managed to briefly catch up with a lot of friends I haven't had time to say boo to of late, and touched base quickly with a dear mate and her other half who were working a stall. Was dang cold so we gave up the idea of hovering for the fireworks and instead opted for some steaks, a roaring fire, good company and fine wine.

Big Boy later brings up a conversation he had with said dear friend at the show. Apparently she is confused about my coping mechanisms with all the crap that has hit our family recently. Confessed she thought I would be wanting to unload, talk, vent on a regular basis. That I would need my girlfriends to debrief with.

To be honest I couldn't think of anything worse. Is it just me? Am I the only woman in creation who would prefer to deal with the situation, get on with it, and then try to forget about it for a while? Last thing I want to do is re-hash the whole tiresome debacle again and again. I am blessed in my partner, and as he is a part of the whole thing isn't it normal that he and I would discuss the issues as they arise, then put them to bed?

I have no choice but to go over events following the professional complaints process, maybe that is why I do not have a need to discuss them with mates? Far better to chill with a glass of Marlborough white watching trash TV than to be treading water in a sea of emotion constantly. Sorry, just not my style to wallow. Well, most days anyway.

Some days I wonder just how well people really know me...


Terri said...

Insecure was never an impression I had of you despite the limits of cyberworld.

I need to throw in a plug for the "hashing it out with friends" process. I may wallow -- for about five minutes -- but then it's time to move on, get on with it, make a plan, and follow through. Talking it over with my friends helps me sort through all the layers of the onion, peel them off, and get to the heart of the matter. Hashing it out lets me have my knee-jerk emotional response in private so that I can come to the table with an effective voice.

It's not necessarily for everyone, but if you ban the wallowing, it can be a useful strategy for working through the emotions and getting to the truth. Similar to the effect of writing it all out.

And for the record, there are days I wish I drank. And there are days I wish I drank to excess.

Madmother said...

Terri, I haven't banned the hashing it out with friends, I just find in a lot of situations I do not find it to be what I need. I guess particularly in this medical disaster with Wise Woman's care, I deal with the issues as they arise, hit the ground running, so to speak.
I guess because we are dealing with life, or rather quality of life, there is no time to ponder, discuss or re-hash. Also in our case I have my husband right there battling alongside me so he will always be my sounding board, in fact yesterday he was WW's advocate as I was not there.

Don't get me wrong, my friends are a great support to me, and those I see frequently do get the summarised version of events, I just don't need to go over them again and again.

Curvaceous Queen said...

I'm with you Mad. Why resurrect the pain that you've already put to bed. I tend to turtle when the going gets tough, deal and then face the sun to renew the batteries.

I prefer to have my friends as recharges for my emotional upswing. Then you can draw on that reservoir when you need to.