Monday, April 19, 2010

What A Bloody Nightmare of a Day.

It started badly. It actually began last night, not this morning. We had a lovely family day driving in the country visiting galleries, antique shops and bookstores. But a full day out meant no Playstation. A full day out meant no X-Box or computer. In his eyes, it meant no downtime or defusing, as much as he loves exploring the depths of musty old wears shops searching for treasure. He does not count running with his brother in the sunshine laughing, playing as relaxation. The only way his brain seems to give him respite from constantly spinning ideas is when he is on a console.

For him, today was not acceptable to return to school. But he had to. Meltdowns began as soon as the bell went. Some girls told him he needed to put his bag elsewhere. He could not cope. By afternoon the meltdowns had escalated. By pickup he was beyond it all, in a rage, angry at anyone who came near.

I was angry too. He is twelve, he needs to take ownership and control or else he will not make it through life. I told him I was disappointed, disillusioned and lost as to how to help him. He rebuffed all aid today - what did he expect of me or any others? He had no answers, could merely say sorry. My response was to tell him I did not want the words, I needed to see the actions. I am sad. And lost. I was honest in my frustration even while reminding him of my love and belief in his ability if he could only help himself and control these rampant emotions.

After a long discussion we moved past it, I had to attend a meeting, he did his homework and promised me he had turned it around, and would continue to. On my return both boys had settled in bed. He came down to fill his water bottle as I watched Good News Week. Right at the spot they began to mock autism and its sufferers. A show he loves to watch in the holidays belittles him. Just what he needed and right now, right now I could kill them for adding to a child's belief that he does not belong in this world and he is not worthy.

Mikey Robbins, and Paul McDermott,  I hope you both suffer the pain of  anguish such as I just watched in my child. Thank you - it would never be funny to a mother of a child with ASD, but tonight, tonight you may well have crushed the small part of hope or courage my child had left. Hope you are proud of yourselves. People would say that your talent has vanished when you resort to taking pot-shots at the innocent. It is called discrimination you stupid, stupid people


 

24 comments:

Kim Thompson said...

I am up early here (WA state/U.S.) and what you have described in this post, to the letter, is EXACTLY the same behavior as my 11 year old. The very, very same! And your reaction/response was the exact same as mine! In fact, I read this to my husband and he remarked how often we live this stuff day in and day out. Wow.

When I had a day like this recently, I saw something on the internet saying autism is simply myth. I could have hurled my laptop!

God, I so get this stuff. It's nice to hear an honest voice out here in cyberland.

I shall be reading and wishing you peace.

Madmother said...

Anonymous have a go all you like, but I will not post your comment unless you get some guts and post a name with it.

And you know what, I am glad you as an Aspie did not take offence, but guess what, my son as an Aspie did.

kbxmas said...

MM, I'm sorry you and your son are having a rough time. I'm never dealt with autism and don't know what it's like, but kudos to you for being an honest voice in the midst of so much misinformation. xoxo

Natacha said...

I am with you and totally understand what you are going through. I've mentioned on a previous occasion my son has Aspergers too. I have been struggling of when to tell him, he is now 13, and funnily that question was answered very spontaneously this weekend, although it was not what he wanted to hear. I cannot even remember the conversation exactly, except he told me he didn't want to talk about it again until he is ready to hear more... not easy for us...

Ro said...

I think my comment got swallowed by cyberspace, grrr.
Not impressed at all.

Is there any kind of teen Aspie social support group in your area? Puberty can be a right bitch with our kids xxx

Brenda said...

God! That is just sad and sick at the same time. Hugs to you and your boy, MM.XO

So Now What? said...

I flicked over that time too. Not cool. What the hell were they thinking?

My son, who turned 8 today has ASD and I read your post with a little piece of my heart breaking. My Sam is the most lovable kid around, but when he gets something in his head, there are usually no words to deter him. Frustration is a word I think I better get used to. Thanks for this post. x

PinkPatentMaryJanes said...

I have an extremely broad sense of humour, but find it hard to imagine how a 'joke' that causes offence to so many people can be considered 'funny'. Hugs x

Epskee said...

Its funny you know. Usually I laugh right along with jokes at disabilities. With my fella's MS, he has many symptoms that are similar to other diseases, across a wide spectrum, and we both usually laugh. We both have the kind of personalities that "hang shit" on people, and can take as good as we dish out. We both feel that if you cant laugh at yourself, or at the crap the universe dishes out, whats the point?

But neither of us laughed last night. Honestly? It wasnt funny. Or necessary. Or, well, anything. Shortly after I thought of you, and others like you, and hoped that you laughed. Hoped you didnt feel how I just read you felt.

I often think people should just "suck it up", that the majority shouldnt have to pander to the minority. I still feel like that, but this wasnt like a storyline on home&away that upsets people who have experienced it, this had no point whatsoever.

(sorry for the ramble, you dont need to publish it, just wanted YOU to know I was thinking of you and giving your hand a squeeze across the table between the cups of coffee. If you get what I mean, which you prob dont coz ivve had no sleep and am a rambling nutter!)

Madmother said...

Exactly, epskee. Boy 1 has that warped humour too. This is a kid that gets satire, loves Pythonesque humour, has revelled in the twisted nature of GNW before. Not this, and never at the cost of others.

Political correctness is rampant, and a lot of people do need to suck it up a little more. But this, this was not funny nor witty, it was degrading and insulting.

Guess what McDermott - Melbourne did not laugh because there was no humour in it. It was a sad, pitiful dying effort of a show that has outlived its time, and has certainly run out of talent.

Kristyn said...

Is there a place we can send this to? channel ten or the opposing channels?

Lori said...

Bugger. GNW is one of my favorite shows, but I was Net surfing when it was on and I must have missed this bit. So, I don't know what we're all talking about. Is there a YouTube clip, does anyone know?

Anyway, that being said, it seriously sucks and must have felt like quick a kick in the teeth to your little man. Bastards.

Lucy said...

Hey, there is a link to the Sun Herald response which I have just Tweeted & Facebooked...

http://www.heraldsun.com.au/entertainment/tv/good-news-week-controversy-over-autistic-joke-by-british-comedian-russell-kane/story-e6frf9ho-1225855963585

Not sure if that is any help?

Kitty Moore said...

That is awful - how can they air something like that? Your son has a wonderful mother - he will be fine.

ryttu3k said...

Um, I'm not sure how valid my opinion is, but if you're going to blame anyone, don't blame Paul and Mikey. Paul pointed out that, yeah, no one found it funny - the one making the comments was just one guest, a British comedian named Russell Kane. The GNW producers can't control what their guests say onstage, so I'm not sure why people are accusing them of being horrible people who hate autistics.

For what it's worth, I have Aspergers, and I didn't get offended. I'm sorry your son did, but it really wasn't saying 'all autistics suck!', it was a reference to enthusiasm. Also, Mikey has supported Autistic Spectrum charities in the past - when he won Australia's Brainiest Comedian, his winnings went towards one. Really - whether you found Kane's comment in bad taste or not, Paul and Mikey did absolutely nothing wrong, and nor did the producers of the show.

Ruby said...

So just because I don't want my name out there, I'm gutless? Good to know. This whole thing has been blown completely out of proportion. It is just a show. Build a bride and get over it. You're going to come across this kind of stuff everywhere.

Madmother said...

Thank you for coming back in and adding a name Ruby. I receive a lot of anonymous comments, some are pretty horrific and so I do tend to be sceptical. I apologise becaue I did delete your first comment late yesterday after no response. I would have published it and will if you wish to reply again.

I think Paul McDermott encouraged Russell Kane with his comments, especially the one after the British comedian performed the physical mockery.

It is not acceptable humour in many peoples eyes, not just mine. And I am glad you both are happy to see it as funny, but can I ask are you both adults? Talking to other Mums (and it is not the impact on us we are worried about, it is the effect on our kids), their kids in the mid to late teenage years who have ASD, were not happy and felt ridiculed. Much as my son did, even though he is twelve and purely saw it by accident.

Thank you to everyone. Watch the papers today.

A major thank you to Bill Shorten, have never seen a politician take control the way you did yesterday. Gives me back a little faith in the system.

ryttu3k said...

Yes, both Ruby and I are adults, and we both go to the live records, to boot. The thing is, GNW is aimed at adults and people in their late teens - what was a twelve-year-old doing watching the show? There's material in it - a lot of material - not suitable for younger peope, even my fifteen-year-old brother misses a lot of it sometimes. Granted, it was by accident, but... let's put it this way, if you were watching something R-rated and your son saw it by accident, would you blame the people who made the show?

Oh, and Ro - I recomment www.wrongplanet.net - it has a forum with a lot of support and information on it. I would keep an eye on your kids' use, since there are forums there for adults, but they also have a dedicated forum for teenagers. (The Adult forum, at least, is locked to those over 17.)

Vicki said...

So often inappropriate comments are pass off as "just a joke". Humour that belittles others is pathetic.

kristyleemel said...

To be quite honest, I found the comment to be quite tasteless. However, you raised 3 points I feel I must address.

1. It wasn't either Mikey or Paul that made the comment, it was Russell Kane, quite clearly an idiot from England. So I feel it is unfair of you to blame either of them for his tasteless remark.

2. Paul immediately commented that "they don't like Autistic humour here" and was quite clearly shocked by what had been said, and didn't agree with it at all.

3. If you feel the show has "outlived it's time, and has certainly run out of talent" why are you watching it? No one is forcing you to watch, and no one forced your son to watch either. As has been previously mentioned, the show is aimed at older teens and adults, not children. If you're going to blame the show, be prepared to shoulder some of the blame yourself, for allowing your child to watch it.

Madmother said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Madmother said...

Okay to address the last comments:
1. Yes, you are right, it was Russell Kane, Robbins was not involved, but Mr McDermott repeated several times the comment in point 2, even going so far as to make another jibe about Melbourne liking such humour when Kane did that LOVELY physical impersonation later in the show.
2. See above.
3. It was on because I had not changed channel after Masterchef pure and simple, background noise as I worked. Oh, and my child saw it by accident, he had been in bed for some time but had come downstairs to fill up his water bottle. Like a lot of kids with ASD he has trouble sleeping.

I stick by my stand, this is NOT acceptable and I am so grateful that it has been taken note of. I will not comment any further as I feel no need to justify or explain further.

Ro said...

ryttu3k, thanks for the reference to wrong planet but we've found an Aspie Teen support social group here in Melb, I was asking Madmother if there was something similar up her way for her son.

I find these types of jokes offensive because idiots see media personalities passing these remarks and think it's a free pass to bully others under the guise of 'humour'.
I'm glad you weren't offended but others' were - and if some find it offensive then there's something questionable about the 'joke'.

Karls said...

Are you serious? Now I know why I never watch GNW... low brow bullshit comedy. That is low, even for them!