December 8: Moment of Peace #best09

 An hour or a day or a week of solitude. What was the quality of your breath? The state of your mind? How did you get there?

Gwen Bell Best of 2009 Challenge

This used to be me. Long, peaceful baths, candles, glass of wine, soft music and usually a good book to lull me into that satiated state of blissful nothingness. 

I dreamt about being like this:

You know, similar to Audrey Hepburn in Roman Holiday. Regal, calm, poised. It was not to be, or more to the point, I could never be. And as you may have gathered my life has turned more into this:

Not quite the same as this:

My last moment or period of serenity?

It was very early one morning, I awoke at sunrise. Walked onto our front deck and took this:

Breathed in the crisp autumn air, gazed around me at our beautiful mountain, listened to the morning birds calling, and thought to myself:

"I must do this more often. I am so lucky to have this, and I don't stop enough to enjoy."

Have I done it since. Ah, that would be a no.

The Christmas Spirit

How incredibly fast has this year flown by? I cannot believe that tomorrow is December 1st and I'll be pulling out the reindeer, untangling the lights (bah - who needs a Rubic's Cube when you have thousands of little light bulbs and wires to unknot), risking life and limb climbing on the roof to fasten Santa on, and going a little Christmas mad.

Think Griswalds in the bush, because the crazy thing is NOBODY can see all our decorations unless they are actually coming to our place! Our driveway is 500 metres long and you cannot see our house from the street. In fact we have had tradies who have lived here for thirty years comment: "Had no bleedin idea this place was 'ere!"

But it's all about the Christmas spirit, isn't it? At least that's what I tell Big Boy as he shakes his head in disbelief at another Yard Art purchase... We even have a dinosaur pulling a sleigh for near the letterbox. There are elves, Santa falling off the roof, reindeer, and more reindeer, flashing lights and Merry Christmas signs. Next on my list is one of those massive flashing stars for our roof, I am hoping it will be visible from the coast road as you can see our house on the hill from there.

Come on people - no more jaw dropping shocked reactions - why do you think they call me

This is where it gets serious.

Definition
An obsession is an unwelcome, uncontrollable, and persistent idea, thought, image, or emotion that a person cannot help thinking even though it creates significant distress or anxiety.

Someone is obsessed. With me. I am being slowly suffocated by someone's sick mind and their uncontrollable urge to own me. It didn't seem like a big issue. She has always been a very needy, weak individual, an emotional succubus. One who does not ever listen to your problems, or your needs, but makes it all about her. Bah, no biggie, just take a step back from the friendship for a while, let the emotions cool.

Until yesterday. Yesterday when I found out she had changed hairdressers to mine. Yesterday when I found out she was copying my unusual hairstyle. Yesterday when others FINALLY told me just how warped her feelings about me had become.

It is not okay to be so angry, frustrated and hurt that you lie awake all night constantly thinking about ME. Especially when I have done nothing to you other than put a bit of distance between us.

It is not okay to spend session after session with your psychologist ranting about ME.

It is not okay to follow my every move and claiming you rescued ME from a situation which you made so much worse by your actions, and then being angry with ME for choosing to let go of past issues and allow life to move on. And it is certainly not okay to then jump back into that situation to interfere again! Luckily the third party has worked you out and will not allow it!

You are ill. I am only just coming to the realisation of just how ill this is. And as of today I am taking back the control, taking back the balance of power, and I will be addressing this farce with those closest to you so they can get you help and get you the FUCK out of my life!

Done.