Friday, October 15, 2010

The One I Didn't Want to Write: Or the Second Worst Thing...

The phone broke the silence at 1.30 this morning. It is the sound you dread in the early hours of the morning when someone you love is at risk. We were bringing Wise Woman home today. Yes, she was frail. Yes, we had big battles ahead. But we were ready.

And at 1.30am the worst living issue we could face came roaring into reality. She had fallen. At first the garbled message led me to believe she had broken her leg and her kneecap. Jumped in the shower (because I needed to), jumped in the car and DROVE like hell. It is an hour to the hospital and I know the road inside out after seven weeks of daily driving. Once there I tracked her through the hospital from rehab to emergency to ward. And found my fragile, tiny mother swaddled in blankets, scared, in pain, vulnerable. With a fractured hip. Our worst living nightmare due to the state of her bones.



This time I cannot rant and scream at THEM. This time it was a foolish choice by her to pick up something because of her dignity, to put herself at risk due to her pride, to lose the gamble so tragically. I understand why, I know the what for's, as angry as I was at first it has now drizzled down to sadness and compassion.

In the wee hours of first light I sat in my car and sobbed. People walked past watching, understanding, for where else but the carpark of a hospital would we cry so freely? Then I did what she has always taught me. Suck it up, get on with it. WW has always had the belief where there is life there is hope, where there is hope there is no excuse to chuck in the towel. Plenty of time for tears when the battle is lost, never when there is a lull in the gunfire whilst the enemy reloads.

And so I am loaded back up. Placing one foot in front of the other and remembering to breathe. Most of the time. Kick me when I forget. Please.

10 comments:

katiegirl said...

((Cyber hugs))

I can't add anything. You already said it so well...

Kakka said...

So sorry to read this post and know that Wise Woman has a new and even worse journey in front of her. Hugs to you, big hugs and lots of love from over here, hopefully knowing that there are those that care for you will enable you to keep going while caring for your dearest mother. xxxx

Aussie-waffler said...

I can't really think of anything more eloquent to say than xo.

Madmother said...

Thank you both. One of the things I knew early this morning was that I could put it out here and others would understand. Amazing how much this support means to me.

Madmother

Madmother said...

A-W, just do NOT give me soppy sympathy irl, OK? Be brutal, kick my butt into gear, but do not be soft or I WILL cry. And embarrass BOTH of us!

Sally said...

I'm so sorry. Please know I am thinking of you and your Mum.

xoxoxo

Terri said...

I'm so sorry for the need to have to suck it up and get on with it, but it's what needs to be done. Sending up prayers for your strength as well as WW's healing.

Ratz said...

So sorry to hear this MM. I hope she gets through this.. thinking of you both..

Kylie said...

I'm very sorry this has happened.

She has the most amazing person on her side though. I don't know what else to say but I wanted to tell you that. I think you are incredible and your Mum is very lucky to have you by her side.
xx

Kimmie said...

Gentle squishy hugs sent for you and your dear mum~!

Kimmie
x