Thursday, August 23, 2012

Mine... No Mine! No - MINE!

Sometimes it feels like this journey on the autism rollercoaster is like a pissing contest. You know, whose story is the worst, or who does it right, or what therapy works, or what boxes does your child fit into?

Copyright Madmother

And I am just as guilty as the rest of them. It is hard to remember at times that everyone's experiences and more importantly, everyone's children are unique. Individual. What issues they or you face, whilst similar to ours, will not be identical. What quirks their or your child have may sound the same, but will not be.

At this time in Boy 1's and our lives we are gifted with some wonderful advantages: clarity and hindsight, but this does not give us the right to dictate to others. Our path, our strategies, our philosophy, is just that. OURS. And whilst it may have worked for our son, it does not mean it will work for anyone/everyone else's.

Experience is a wonderful thing, and it is a joy for us to be able to mentor and support other parents who follow behind, but we also need to allow them to choose what works for them. They will blaze their own trails.

I had a lovely morning with some other parents this morning, and whilst I admit, I find it hard to relate nowadays (and I am sure the reverse is same for them - they cannot see where we are from the point they are at), it was really nice to discuss our differing ideas.

I have a hell of a lot of knowledge stored in this befuddled brain, and am always very happy to share and offer advice (okay - I do talk a lot, lol) and the solutions that worked for us, but from now on I am going to add a disclaimer...

WARNING: Whilst the following produced the stated result in our son, feel free to disregard if it ain't for you.



Alicia said...

Too true, there are so many varying degrees of autism, whos too say one is the same as the other. Who am I to say I know what you're going through, when my kid may be deeper/lesser in it than yours.

Parental Parody said...

Can only imagine what it must be like to receive so much helpful advice from anyone and everyone.

We have an autistic child in Miss6's class. The mother is forever bailed up in the playground by yet another well-meaning (but also very nosey) mother with tips on how to manage her child. Woman has the patience and grace of a saint. I would've gone postal months ago....

E. said...

It's really interesting. Lots of things we did with or for Boy Child were criticized at the time. I see other peoples battles and wonder why they are (to me) sweating the small stuff. But everybodys small stuff is different. Everybody has different issues to deal with.

I now wonder if the things we did or didn't do were right. But we did what we though was best for our Boy and our family at the time.

I have just finished studying a unit on helping students with ASD and it's been very confronting. I've been wondering how much easier things would have been for Boy if he got some of the help available now. If I had fought the school more to get him help.

I just have to remember we did the best we could at the time. The what ifs are still there though.

Grace said...

It's so easy for people to throw in their advice and opinion, isn't it? Even if they have had experience.
You make a great point in saying that everyone has their own journey to take.

Leanne said...

That's a good post MM. And a great disclaimer.

Welcome to Jaak's Place said...

I never realised just how true the statement "if you know one person with Aspergers, you know one person with Aspergers!" was until Ashie was diagnosed and I have two boys with Aspergers who are completely different with different challenges and different needs. It's well and truly opened my eyes. I sometimes, like E said, question other people's choices or even become frustrated if I see then not stepping up to help/prevent certain things but I only allow those thoughts to be a passing moment because I fall back on the thought, "perhaps they're doing the best they can for their family and that's as good as they can right now. Maybe I can learn something from them to help me". This parenting gig is so damn hard, especially when dealing with the additional talents and needs of my awesome Aspies :).

I'm not participating in the pissing contest but I am listening (and always have :) ) to your journey as it inspires mine xo