Thursday, April 19, 2012

Can I Scream Now?

There must be something in the water, or should I say something stirring my waters... But like the wonderful Kelley over at MagnetoBoldToo I have had this horrible feeling of dread for weeks now.

Waiting for the other shoe to drop...

My child is a complex blend of brilliance, blinding beauty and batshit craziness. My child dazzles in his happy moments, and despairs in his darkest depths. My child, who puzzles all of us... even his psych, with his inability to understand the social web of life, whilst being so far advanced of his years in articulation, emotional perception and intellect.

His teachers, whilst wonderful, just don't get what his short life has been like with a brother on the spectrum.

One of them did the unthinkable today, the cardinal comment sin. We talked of the incident last term, when he once again lost the plot. We discussed the "why" theories... the catalyst of this climactic conflict of character that is my youngest son. And then whilst I brought up and spoke of the content of the post I wrote for Autism Awareness Day (though I cheated and called it an article, lol), of how he had been shunted aside in the early years... she brought up the dreaded comparison of "Oh, we all do that, I did with my kids due to the age difference..."

I did not scream. I did not curse. She meant no harm.

But seriously? Don't ever fucking tell me it is the same thing. Don't ever, ever dare to compare the white bread niceties of your life with the charred black toast of ours.



Or as my youngest son would say... Indubitably.

Still waiting for the thud of my left foot shroud to tell me it has hit.


Alex aka WHOA MUMMA! said...

Guilty of the above with a friend who has a daughter on the spectrum. Removing foot from my mouth as I type....

Sarah said...

I guess the comparison was an attempt to empathise rather than dismiss but I can appreciate your frustration

The truth is that only you can fully understand and only those in a similar position can possibly begin to empathise.

I don't know if that's possible the most unhelpful comment I've ever left ... It's really not meant to be.

Madmother said...

Oh, I know it was trying to empathise, she is not the first nor will she be the last.

She genuinely cares for my child, and is doing her best to understand and help...

BUT, for any mother of a child on the spectrum it is one of the most frustrating things we experience, and the one most likely to make us give you our child for a week just to open up your eyes to how upsetting these comments are for us.

I have actually sat with other spectrum mums and felt their pain when others do not get it. And held them as they cry in frustration, exhaustion, fear and anger... because whilst we would not wish this on our worst enemies, it is the lonliest and most isolating experience most will ever, ever live.

And not all outcomes are those of Boy 1. A lot of people will live this war in the trenches for the rest of their lives.

We understand, we know it is intended to help, but there is a reason for the saying the path to hell is paved with good intentions...

Kakka said...

Hugs MM, I am so sorry that Boy 2 is struggling so much at the moment, wish I had some good advice to share, but all I can offer at the moment is prayers and positive thought being sent your way. Much love and hugs from Perth xxx

kelley @ magnetoboldtoo said...

Holy mother of fuck.

Too's favourite word is Indubitably.

She has an IQ of 160+

Leanne said...

Hi MM, if I dont comment its because I have nothing useful to say. But you know I am here.