A Madmother Twisted Royal Wedding View...

I told you we looked stupid! Did not. Did too...

Oh shut up girls, you sound just like your mother!

Whaddya mean they'd make a great couple? She isn't even a blonde!

The blonde? What blonde? Nah, I'm solo tonight.

And of course, who could forget young Grace, who seriously did not think it was worth all the who-ha... 

 I want to go home now! Mummy said this would be fun.
I don't want to do this.

I told you I don't like this!

Why are they all tormenting me so? Mummmmmy! Take me home!

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! This is enough to scar a child for life!

 

Tallyhoooo from a very Royal

Autism Awareness

Just jumping in quickly to link and post some stuff. My dear friend Jen, over at Jemikaan, is living in the throws of battle on the fields of Asperger Syndrome. It is bloody tough, and I must admit, easy to forget just how bad, until someone pulls the scab off to remind you of the festering wound below.

Recent posts of mine sing my oldest boy's praises. He is thirteen, he is in the throes of puberty, he has Asperger Syndrome, he is incredible. A couple of examples are in my Dragonfly post, or the Hum in my life one. There are many more, but I won't bore you with them all.

For before the good came the hard. The days of working, pushing, fighting, intervening. The nights of sleepless worry, second guessing constantly. The days in which I wrote this:

"What can I say to people to let it out? They say how average, normal he seems but they don’t live it. The fights, struggles, mood swings – his and mine. And the questioning of how much damage I am doing to his brother. How wrong am I getting it? The doubts, anger and frustration of living day to day. The struggle to do normal things like taking a family break. He told me today “I will kill you” and he probably will, somehow, sometime; the heart attack or stroke from the stress, the gun when he is older and angrier… the alcohol I use to feel better... or not to feel at all. So now I sit, unable to sleep; and type and cry.”


Many, many years ago now, so far back in the dim dark past that I need to track down the original to see when it was written (2005). In 2007, I wrote this piece for my first foray into creative writing. Life With Autism. Raw, painful truth. Go, read it. It is good to remember how damn hard it was then. It makes the wonderful young man he is now so much sweeter to savour.

Why this post? Because I want friends like Jen and others who are still caught in the throes of the battle to know it is possible for it to work out as you dream it will. It is conceivable that a light will appear at the end of that dark, difficult tunnel. And those hopes and dreams you have for your child? I am here to tell you they can come true. Ours have. Take heart, stay strong for the possibilities are endless.

 

Just have to do this...

Those of you who have already seen this from me on FB, please forgive me, I just had to post it here too!




Woot!

Blog Gems

I don't know if you lot know of Blog Gems.

How many posts do you have languishing in your archives? Great posts that will never be dusted off and brought out to breathe again! Maybe you created fabulous content before you had lots of followers, or maybe you have been blogging for years and your current followers haven't seen your older material.

Blog Gems - Air Your Archives is a forthnighly linky list where we will give a prompt and you select a post from your archives that fits the prompt.
 Some of the more observant of you will notice that the link under the name and the link in the button are different. That is because a group of the creator's blogworld friends are helping her out by hosting the fortnightly hop. You see Jen's little man, HRH, has just been diagnosed with a serious condition, add in the fact he is on the spectrum (just like my gorgeous Boy 1) and life is a little difficult for the HRH family at the moment.

So, go to Mommy To Two Boys and join up to the blog hop; this one is a call out for some fun or fluff or just downright silliness. Something to help loosen the stranglehold of worry around the HRH household. And maybe stop by Jen's blog to add a little blog love? I know I can count on you lot.

And for those of us who still have a sense of the ridiculous on this ASD rollercoaster - here's one just for you. Please don't click if you don't find the funny side in some of the darkness, you will be offended.

Anzac Day 2011 - Lest We Forget

I for one, am truly proud to be an Australian. God bless all our servicemen, past and present.

Thank you for all you have done to keep our golden land of beauty safe.

Last year I posted my own tribute to someone close to me, this year I have no words to express my undying gratitude and pride in what these people have sacrificed for me. Because everyone one of them have helped everyone of us.

The Sweet Life

My lovely loud sister in bloghood over at Suger Coat It, Melissa,  has decided to start a new blog hop.

Aptly named:






Rules are (as copied from her royal loudness:
Link up to a photo, a post... Anything that share's your sweet life with us. It is simple. Link up. Go and visit others on the list {if there is anyone else!} comment and follow at will and add the button to either your post or your sidebar. If that's your thing.



I've jumped on the bandwagon - how about you?

P.S. Happy Easter to all of you and all of yours. xx

Queen of Procrastination: A Force to be Reckoned With!



It Hits at the Most Strangest of Times.

I am running, sprinting through my life doing much, achieving little. Ever have so very much on your plate that anything you attempt to complete seems to fall to dust? That's me at the moment.

Ineffective insanity.

Juggling a combination of marbles and beach balls - seriously nearly impossible to do, let me tell you.

Then in the midst of the manic madness some stupid little thing will trigger it.

The other day it was the re-run of the grand final in My Kitchen Rules. The bit where Bella sits on the floor and cries. Her family calling words of encouragement, begging her to get up, to complete what she started.

BOOM! Up it comes and hits me with a force that takes my breath away.

Grief. My dark demon I keep hidden in the depths of my psyche. Locked away. It sits festering, plotting revenge, planning to break free and catch me unaware. Succeeding multiple times in a brief black exodus, only to be ensnared and seized, thrown bound by self-control into the deep recesses of my emotions. To sit and wait, until another moment, another trigger causes my frenzied grip to slip.

And each time the demon gains strength, and is harder to subdue, with each breach its power grows and I know one day it will break free and swallow me whole. I will no longer exist as its power wipes all I am and all I was, away. Leaving a broken shell in my place. A motherless daughter.

FYBF: Life Is A Rollercoaster!

Life is a rollercoaster,

Just gotta ride it...

Okay, so the lyrics other than the tag aren't all that apt for my life at the moment, but hey, I like the song and it is a feel good listen. Life is crazy busy, and will be so for the next few months. We are in transition, big changes are in the wind, but to achieve them we have to work our butts off for a bit. Add in kids and other committments and you have MANIA! It will be worth it in the end, but, OH BOY... what we have to do in the near future. Gulp. So if I'm not around as much, please forgive me.

Who ever said running three businesses whilst managing the family stuff was going to be easy? Oh, that's right... no-one!

It's Friday. So this is all you're getting for my FYBF. A whine. But later you can have a wine as IT'S FRIDAY! With my blessing (as if you need it, lol).

Will be back as usual to add all the FYBF stuff when it is open.

Cheers!

PS Somewhere along the line I got a button on Blog This! Woot! Go check it out!

Weekend Rewind: December 2009 & 2010

Am jumping on the rewind bandwagon again (thanks to Allison @ Fibro - click on link above to join). But am being naughty and adding two links. Simply because I cannot choose between them. December 2010 was hard... let's face it, any month after October 2010 has been difficult, but December particulary as the first Christmas without Wise Woman in our lives. The post I have chosen from this year is one of a little fluff and lightness - my reworking of the old classic:

A Night Before Christmas

Just to put a little stimming into your lives, lol.

The second is one from the heart. Memories of my wonderful Yee-Haw Grandma. Written in December 2009 when my blog was still new-ish.

Drive

Enjoy.

P.S. I lost my Grandmother just prior to her 91st birthday. I am pretty sure beating her in age was part of my Wise Woman mother's ambition and once the milestone was passed she felt she could let her hold on life loosen. Mum had turned 91 two weeks before we lost her.

Weekend Grateful: You Gotta Have Friends...

Cyber friends  Best Friends  Good Friends  Old Friends  New Friends 

Friendship  - throw yourself into the middle of the social pond

and watch the ripple of friendship widen and widen and widen...

After a little break I am joining back in to Maxabella's Weekend Grateful Blog Hop once more. Today I bring in the big guns. Friends. What would the world be like without your BFF'S? Or any of your friends? What would our childrens' lives be like without their mates? Seriously, true love and soul mates are a wonderful thing, but who is it you turn to when the dream lover pisses you off? You got it - your friends!

Veronica started me thinking on this earlier in the week when she posted about how important finding a friend is for our special kids. It made me think of Boy 1 and his best mate C. It brought the up my fears for Boy 2 and his social issues and lack of confidence in friendship.

It made me think of my friends and realise how much each and every one of them means to me. I cooked a birthday dinner for one of my nearest and dearest last night. She was my first friend I ever made on this mountain over a decade ago, and still one of my closest. We have been through a lot together - and that is the operative word,TOGETHER. She is someone I know I could always count on, who loves me warts and all. As I do her. I mean, let's face it - I rarely cook and for her I cooked for over 3 hours to give her an Italian feast. That says a lot!

We'd be here all day if I were to individually mention each and everyone of those I adore, and I must admit, rely on. They are my lifeblood. I could not survive without them. I am a social creature by nature and tend to go into withdrawals if I don't catch up with at least some of the beautiful people of my world on a regular basis.

So to all of my wonderful friends - know I am grateful every day for your presence in my life. We may not talk everyday, we may not see each other for months, even years. We may not have even met face to face. But true friendship is not made up of keeping tabs or a tally. True friendship is not about scores or one upmanship (is that a word?), it is about being there when needed, laughter, tears, support and fun.

I think I need to start up my friendship posts once more... If you want to know more about some of my wonderful friends see these: Feeling Mellow Posts. What about you - are you more of a solitary creature or are you like me?

FYBF - Tales of A Dragonfly Future.

In Japanese culture, it is believed the dragonfly is symbolic of success, victory, happiness, strength and courage, and represent light and joy. It is a reminder that we are of the light and can reflect it in powerful ways if we choose. Seeing through illusions and allowing you to shine with new vision. A symbol of transition, change. From murky depths to shining light.

He is the dragonfly. Transitioning from murky hidden dark childhood into brilliant bright irridescent youth. I watch as he soars to new heights, waiting for the pause, the hesitation of new wings, prepared to provide a safe landing if he falters and falls. It is not necessary. He flits past my line of vision, pausing to hover close, brushing my fears away before flying off to new worlds. Returning, always returning home safe from his latest adventure. Ready to fly once more in the brand new day, pushing past old boundaries and anxieties, revealing unforeseen strength. He radiates happiness from his very soul, deep contentment down to the core of himself. He is the dragonfly. He is MY dragonfly. As he soars my heart soars with him.

 

 

Nowadays I feel more and more distant from others on this ASD journey, saddened to see their struggles,no longer able to relate to the despair. For all that fills my eyes is the blinding brilliance from a myriad of reflections of his rainbow wings as he flies higher and higher bathed in happiness and hope.

Dragonflies have always been his thing. Since a very young age Boy 1 has been enthralled by these magical creatures of the wing, and it is what we have given to those who help him as gifts of thanks to remember him by. Who ever knew how prophetic such a symbol would turn out to be. Always dragonflies, everything dragonflies...

 





 

ASD - So, You're an Expert, Are You?

This is not the post I am meant to be working on, nooooo. There are two posts I was supposed to be focusing on today: one for my first born's yucky birth story for Tork's award comp - which I will add I came runner-up in with the first award presentation; the second actually for the usurper winner of said award: Romina over at Martyrhood. Cause she is havin' a ba-aby. And a breakdown. And needs someone to curse and blaspheme and shake stuff up a little whilst she enjoys a teeny pause in blogging.

But I'm not. Why? Well because I am an avid reader of other blogs and a lot of times my ideas and inspiration strike from a thought provoking post by one of them. Today it was this one. Heartbreaking, especially to one mother of a child on the spectrum to another.

See, I have this great fear. It may well be an unrealised concern, but it is something that keeps me awake at night. You see, my oldest son has Asperger Syndrome. He is thirteen. And in my eyes he is something of a legend. If you are a regular here you will know what a big heart and amazing depth my oldest has. He inspires most who get to know him, he makes my heart fill with pride. He is generous, loving, articulate, confident, happy, intelligent... just all round amazing really.

To think that someone who does not know him may well take one look at his diagnosis or label and presume to be able to categorise and judge him scares me senseless. And people do. So-called experts do. Other children do. And with their judgements come assumptions, and interferring and demoralising. My fear is that some ignorant person will undermine all the positiveness we have encouraged, pushed and persistently re-inforced in my child. The pack mentality people - "seen one, seen 'em all."

You know what? EVERY ONE OF THESE KIDS ARE INDIVIDUALS. They can no more be boxed or grouped or even taught or dealt with the same way than ANY OTHER CHILD. They are unique - every single one of them.

Do not assume because you read or train or know Joe Blow's second cousin down the road who may be ASD, or was it ADD... DO NOT DARE TO PRESUME YOU KNOW EVERY KID WITH AN ASD DIAGNOSIS. Because you do not. I do not. What works for my child could well not be the way for another, in fact it may be the worst thing for another. All I can do is tell you about my son, how he is, what helps him, and maybe, just maybe you can take some of it and see if it works for another. Same as I listen and learn and take from others what I think will work for my child. But there is also a lot I disregard because it will not.


All I can say to you all is to follow your gut. Whatever your mother/father/sibling instinct tells you to do - go with it.

We did. Or more to the point, I did and the rest just trusted me. I fought against specialists, educators, other parents, you name them, I probably pissed them off.

And it worked. It helped him - MY CHILD - and in some small way contributed to the glorious young man in our lives today.

Seriously - who else will know these amazing kids as well as their own families, eh?

Off soapbox.

Oh, and I'll give the last word to my glorious child.

Four years old and seriously aware of how others treated him he had a dream, a bad dream, a nightmare: "Mum, I was in this box and I didn't fit but the teacher kept pushing me in and closing the top. But I didn't fit!"

Smiling Through the Tears.

I found something the other day. I was at Wise Woman's house doing some of the dreaded sorting one has to do after losing someone near and dear, when I needed a notepad to jot down some info. Found one in her telephone drawer. Opened it, turned over the few little pages she had used.

Now, my Mum was a bit of a wowser when it comes to drinking. Not a teetotaller, no. But definitely a little prim and proper on the topic of alcohol consumption.

So we never really discussed the drinking habits of a Madmother. I thought I hid it well - you know, the wine for the whine, good job grog...

Obviously not.

This was what greeted me on page three:

Didn't know whether to laugh or cry. So I laughed. Because that is what she would want me to do.

I miss you, you Wise Woman from whom know secrets were hidden or desires masked...

World Autism Awareness Day

That is all.

Go here for info.

FYBF - Light It Up Blue & Why The Hell Do I do This?

Tonight is the school disco. Today is Light It Up Blue day for Autism Awareness.  Pretty apt mix really. Wonder if the kids would complain if all the disco lighting was various shades of blue, hmmm? I'm on the glowstick stall after swearing "no more" last year. What can I say, I'm a control freak who can't stand by and watch without twitching. And I happen to like and respect the 2011 committee members too much to stand idly by and not offer to help. So instead of just lighting it up blue we'll be lighting it up green and pink and ornage and yellow too!

For FYBF this fine Friday, after the discovery of the impact the poetry of one little boy has made (even if copyright liberties were taken by others), I have renewed hope in the power of words. So I am adding a few of my own in celebration of ASD awareness.

April 1st  - Light It Up Blue Day, in preparation for
World Autism Awareness Day on Saturday April 2nd. Landmarks around the world will be a beautiful blue in support of this important message.

It is the 4th WAAD. Statistics now show 1 in 100 children are affected by ASD. If you don't know someone on the autism spectrum you are the exception.

I won't be sharing his poem today (learnt my lesson well), but rather some of my own. From a while back now, but the second is so apt as our lives are now.

Ignorance

Look not into my eyes for fear

Unknown things just not clear

Someone holds me very dear

Ignorance keeps pain so near

Look not into my heart so pure

Never tell me you want a cure

I am unique, that’s my allure

Angry people please be fewer

Look not into my tears so loud

I’m not just someone in the crowd

It could be your son being cowered

My Mum says she’s always proud

Walk Before You Run

You have to crawl before you walk,
Walk before you run
But now you need to spread your wings and fly.

I always held your hand before
Locked it tight in mine
But now you have to soar alone so high

The time is now upon us
To loosen up the ties
For all to let you show the world yourself

For I am just a mother
Who must learn to stand aside
And not wrap you up and give you so much help

So now your running strong my son
We truly are so proud
The boy you are will be such a great man

But just remember when you race my son,
And pass the blurry faces my son,
Please still reach out and gently touch my hand.

Happy FYBF. Spread the message. Please.
 
(Will be back to link up when linky up).