April Fools!

Now, those of you with kids will have suffered through numerous lame April fool pranks this morning I am sure. We did. Over the years have even managed to pull a few of my own.

Like the time myself and Boy 2 plus one of his mates managed to convince Big Boy, Boy 1 and a few other kids that I had slipped and broken my leg. They were not too happy about that one. Guess I wouldn't have been either to be honest.

Or the one I pulled on the management team of a large insurance organisation I worked for. I had wangled a lovely redundancy deal months prior, and my last day was to be, you guessed it: April 1st. Had my tickets booked, my bags packed, passport and YHA membership all organised. And THEN had to endure endless months of jokes about me coming in all set to go and being told it was all an elaborate April Fool's prank!

Yeah, funny guys, but wearing a bit thin after all these months...

But I got my own back. I had been delegated the massive task of designing a complex spreadsheet system to combine the annual reports of the many subsidiaries into the Group report. Months of work (hence my power in wheedling a redundancy - they needed me to finish this), very complicated, lots of macros, links, tangled webs. I had a partner in crime. I had to, for I was not there to deal with the fallout, and to present the punch line.

I set up a dummy system. It was identical to the real system, in all but one way. When it was opened it gradually, one by one, deleted all thirty two of the worksheets.

April 1st, 1992. Go to office, complete final redundancy paperwork. At pub by 11.30am. Awaiting the fallout.

It wasn't a long wait. By noon the whole section was in attendance as my former boss, now somewhat recovered, threatened to kill me if I ever pulled a stunt like that again. The details? You want details? Well the story goes like this. He opened the file, my accomplice was standing beside him. As each screen flashed up, and each row vanished he became paler and paler. Sweat started to run in rivlets down his face as he frantically pressed random keys, attempted to turn it off, muttered curses and pleas for help under his breath.

The grand finale as the last screen vanished from view?

"YOU HAVE BEEN DELETED."

Won't forget me now, will ya?

prints in huge letters across the screen. A pause. Let it sink in. Then it too vanishes.

To be replaced by:

 Not really. April fool.

But you really won't forget me...

Real file is saved under *******.

The whole office was in uproar. It was still being talked about a year later upon my return to Australia. My boss stopped shaking after a few drinks at the pub, but he kept glancing my way and shaking his head in disbelief the whole night.

But what about you? I want to hear of some of the funnier jokes you have had success with. Who was it on? How did you manage to pull it off? Either tell your tale in a comment, or blog it and add the link in the comment. But spill, come on...

Confessions of a Childhood Minx

Aussie Waffler's recent post on the things her children have attempted to pull off has inspired me to reminisce a touch on my childhood adventures. I was on the surface a really good kid, so sugary sweet that one of the many nicknames my older sister used to use was goodytwoshoes (yes, you have to snarl it out really fast like one word). But what my sister and my parents didn't know was that lurking beneath was the heart of a sinner. And a very clever one at that.

It is the usual story, I had a willing partner in crime in the form of the boy next door. We lived next to a private hospital, he was the matron's son. We were best friends, inseparable until the day he moved when we were six or seven.

Poor boy, on the rare instances we were caught out he was the one who copped the blame. And good mate that he was, he never crumbled under pressure nor dobbed. Not even when getting a full on spanking (yes, that was perfectly acceptable back forty odd years ago).

We weren't truly evil, just adventurous and spirited. And I guess in my case, a little too curious and imaginative, or is the term creative more appropriate?

Like the time I decided we were going to be superheroes and jump from our front verandah railing OVER the concrete garden edging to land safely on the spongey lawn. A little sample of our flying super-abilities. Of course, I was not going first, oh no. I was the brainiac who had dreamt up the idea, it was up to him to lead by example. So up we climb, I do the countdown (always gotta be a countdown), ten...nine...eight...seven..."Do you think we should MC (madchild)?" "What are you a chicken?" "Nooo, I'm not a chicken!" ...six...five...four..."It was your idea, maybe you should go first?" "It was my idea, so YOU have to go first! Do I have to do everything?"...three...two...one...

At this point he hesitates so I give him a little push to help launch him over the garden.

*SPLAT* Faceplants straight onto concrete edge. Blood splatters in vibrant streaks across Wise Woman's gladioli as his nose erupts volcaneously. He runs screaming next door to the Matron.

Of course, I then climbed down. No way was I going to be stupid enough to repeat that test of flight. Not after the big failure to launch he had managed!

And no, he didn't dob.

Then there was the big campfire debacle. I was obsessed with fire when I was young. To be honest, so was he. And so one day we decided to build ourselves a little campfire. Underneath the old timber hospital. Now the hospital was an old hardwood construction, about 3/4 of a metre off the dusty ground, and surrounded by a yew hedge. We had many meetings and played lots of games under there, hidden away from prying eyes. It was our secret hideaway. Sorta like a clubhouse but without the walls.

Anyway, this day we decided to add a bit of spark to the old place. So we dug a small pit by hand, placed some largish rocks around the edge, put in screwed up old newspapers, and threw on some dry twigs and smaller pieces of wood I had surreptitously gathered from our wood pile. Quite a pile when it was all combined. We then lit it with my Dad's matches.

Woof - up she went. We quickly realised our error in judgement and like the children we were, panicked. Attempts at throwing dirt on failed to quell the raging inferno, though the flames did dim a little. By now the floor was showing huge scorch marks, and we could hear the staff starting to yell "FIRE!" So we did what all terrified culprits do. We ran.

The fire station was only a block away, and the engines arrived quickly. By this time we joined the onlookers, scrubbed clean of soot and dust. Thankfully the smoke in the air masked the stench of our clothes. And the bottom of the floorboards were only scorched. It could have been so much worse. But it is only after the fact a pair of six year olds even think of those things.

Now, I could go into the rotten egg planting escapade, or the toilet incident, but I think you have read enough to get the idea.


Boy 1 and Boy 2 have no hope of ever getting away with any misdemeanours, unbenownt to them they have the master of all mischief in their midst...

Oh, and Wise Woman has never learnt why from such a young age I renamed those flowers of hers.... Bloodioli.